If you came for sex, this will probably disappoint but this was one Wicked Wednesday prompt I couldn’t pass up – a letter to my 10-year old self.
I know you’re going to find this hard to believe, but it gets better. You know what I’m talking about – the teasing, the laughs, the cold shoulders. Would you believe me if I told you that in a few years you’ll move? Oh sure, you’ll feel sad because you’re leaving behind the familiar, but the sense of relief is real.
I know, I know. You feel like a giant among the dwarves. Yes, you’ll stay taller than everyone for a couple more years, and yes, it will be a while before any of the other girls have boobs. Oh, and that acne? Get used to it for a while longer. Good news – people will compliment you on your skin in your 30s. You won’t believe them, but it’s still nice to hear.
In three more years, you’ll fall in love. He’s a great kisser, but not at all worth the agony and heartache. Be prepared, you’ll flit from boy to boy for a while. I don’t know what’s in the water in Mississippi, but the boys will look at you in a way you never dreamed once you move. For the record, none of it will be like Mama’s romance novels that you’ve been sneaking around reading. You won’t experience anything near that hot for a looooooooong time.
You’re not always right (you’ll figure that out soon enough), but eventually you’ll learn not to speak until you believe you are. Daddy was right when he said you talk to hear yourself talk. You’ll kind of grow out of it – until you decide to blog instead of speak.
You don’t know it yet, but you’re stronger than you think you are. Sure, sure, everyone tells you how smart you are, how mature you are. Only you know how small and lost you feel on the inside. I know, I remember. But you are strong. You’ll stand up to idiots, bigots, and misogynists. You’ll realize that there’s no need to regret what happens in life. All those missteps and mistakes will make you who you are later in life.
I could tell you that you should listen to your instincts in about 10 years, that there will be other men who will find you beautiful and desirable. But, if I do that, then you never end up with the best parts of him a few years later. And I know very well that you have to learn the hard way. You’ll survive his anger and pain. You’ll grow from it. You’ll be a better mother than when you started. You’ll understand Mama more, but let me tell you a secret. As a grandmother, she’s NOTHING like what you’ve seen. Three words: candy before bed. I know, right?
Hug Daddy more. I can’t tell you why, but there will come a time when you miss him more than you ever thought possible. So just do it. He loves you more than you know, he just doesn’t know how to say it. He’s showing you every time he makes you do something that makes you stronger, better, faster, smarter. You’ll learn other ways to show love, but this is his way. Accept it.
What you think you want to do today is probably not where you’re going to end up. Go with the flow, ok? Embrace the things you love doing. Eventually, you might get to do them when you grow up. By the way, I’m 34, and I’m still not sure I’m a grown up. I’m getting there, though.
Remember that everything happens for a reason even if you can’t see the reason at the time. You’ll look back and see how everything connects. You’ll realize that without this, you wouldn’t have that.
Keep your guard up, but learn to let people in. Try to wear your heart on your sleeve a little more. When your heart breaks, the pain feels unbearable, but when you’re with the right person, it feels like you’re floating on a cloud. I promise.
Try new things. Go to new places. Eat new foods. Don’t get stuck in the rut of a routine. You’ll worry less as you get older, because you’ll plan more. That works a little, but sometimes you have to go out on a wing and a prayer. You’ll get lost a lot. That’s what U-turns are for. You’ll never be skinny, but you will run and jump (no really, you will). You’ll do things you didn’t think were possible. You’ll learn to close your eyes and leap. You’ll do what’s right even though it’s hard.
There is so much ahead of you. And you will survive and thrive. Pinkie swear.