I hurt – not for myself, but for Him. He must live through these experiences right now; He knows it, I know it. I ache to be with Him to remind Him He’s not alone, not anymore.
He, my big, bad Sir, would probably scoff at the idea that He needs anyone. Ok, so I need to be with Him to know that He isn’t alone.
What He’s going through right now (His story to tell, not mine) is not new or unusual in this world. I found myself in a similar place more than a year and a half ago. That’s why I hate the idea of Him being alone. I remember the sadness, the loneliness, the what-do-I-do-now?
I love Him more than I thought myself capable of. I thought that part of me had been closed off; I thought I’d experienced too much heartache to let those feelings in again. It doesn’t even matter if the love He feels for me is only a fraction of how I feel; I don’t know if it is, I just know that it doesn’t matter. It will never matter.
I ache to wrap my arms around Him (if He’d allow it). I ache to serve and submit to Him and allow Him space to forget for just a brief moment. I ache to be by His side, while He adjusts, learns, and grows from this.
I can only be what I am…an ear, a sympathetic voice over the phone., His pet. If He says it’s enough, it’s enough – for Him. It’s not enough for me.
He deserves loving arms wrapped around Him. He deserves kind words whispered in His ear. He deserves to feel loved and wanted. He deserves better than He had before. I wish I was there to give it to Him.
He’s my lion – growly, unafraid to roar (on rare occasion), fiercely protective, mine. And today, I ache with sadness for Him.