Tonight’s not the night for sexy. If you visit my blog to read sexy, here you go.
I hurt right now. And I wouldn’t normally do this, but I have to get it out of my head.
***
Invisible
Alone and lonely
Forgotten
Unloved
What’s wrong with me?
I live in isolation
Not of my choosing;
Everyone has slipped away
And no one realizes it.
Was it all just a dream?
Were you just a dream?
Did I make it all up in my head?
You’ve slowly left me
And you don’t even know it.
I feel it
In every moment
Of every day;
You’re gone.
Am I unlovable?
Am I forgettable?
Is there something wrong with me?
Why am I so alone?
Why does it hurt so bad?
***
I took a shower while my children watched movies, just so I could cry. I huddled under the water, tears streaming down my face. My face in my hands, my shoulders heaved. Great, gulping sobs emanated from a deep place. Alone and lonely.
I have spent days in near-isolation from the real world. Family, friends, lover – none have noticed my absence from their lives. It’s easy to be forgotten with 200 miles between you, I guess. Drowning in loneliness, I’m tired of being the one to reach out, to seek out the people I love. I crave to be wanted the way I want my loved ones near me. When will someone realize I’m silent? When will someone come looking for me? What if they don’t?
I feel invisible.
Just remember. as hard as it might be, that you are never alone. I have been where you are and feeling isolated sucks, but there is always someone out there who is thinking of us…perhaps that can be enough.
It will have to be, I guess…
It is not ideal and it certainly doesn’t make up for the lack of physical interaction, but it is something. Just know that you are not alone and while that may not assuage all of you pain, but if it can mitigate just a bit of it….well it works for me sometimes is all I am saying.