Even Good Dominants Shouldn’t Be Put on a Pedestal #podcast

I tease John Brownstone…a lot. Of course, he teases me even more. Something about getting my babygirl riled up and watching me stomp my feet and pout just cracks him up.

We pick on each other, using our natural sarcastic abilities.

So when one of us does something very “vanilla” – meaning something “typical” – we pounce on it.

Lately, I’ve spent time teasing a certain Daddy Dom when he’s been unable to pay attention for more than a second, and I have to repeat myself. It’s funny because 1) it’s so damn rare and 2) he clearly feels awful about it when it happens.

I called him a “typical” man the other day. Then I said he was “more vanilla than a vanilla bean.”

Not sure where I came up with that one, but there you go. More vanilla than a vanilla bean.

Anyway, what’s that got to do with anything?

Well, I can tease him like that, picking at his small mistakes or less than completely attentive, completely perfect, Domly moments because I know he’s not perfect. No one is.

But some submissives believe their Dominant can do no wrong. It happens most when we’re new or new to the relationship. Our Dominant is someone we’ve spent a long time looking for, and they seem to do everything right, so clearly, they must be perfect.


Dominants are human, flaws and all. They can screw up – in small and big ways. Being able to point out the small things or discuss the big things is healthy…and necessary.

This week’s podcast focuses on not putting Dominants up on a pedestal, remembering they’re human, and how to keep yourself (as a submissive) grounded so that you can enjoy a good Dominant without being heartbroken, crushed, or shocked when you discover they are indeed very human and can and do make mistakes.

From the show…

  • Kayla was reminded just how perfectly imperfect John Brownstone is and shares her silly teasing.
  • Dominants are people and will do things that don’t always seem “Dominant” – very vanilla, normal things.
  • John Brownstone is an amazing man and Dominant, but he’s not perfect.
  • When a submissive puts their Dominant up on a pedestal and believes they can do no wrong, the only place for a Dominant to go is down.
  • One problem with pedestals is that submissives are devastated the first time their Dominant makes a big mistake, thinking that somehow their Dominant is “less than perfect” for the first time.
  • The second problem is that some submissives will allow the uneducated or the really bad Dominants to get away with bad behavior because they (falsely) believe their Dominants can do no wrong.
  • Kayla has three tips for preventing the pedestal situation: time and experience, communication (and lots of it), and plenty of humor. Learn to laugh at their very human frailties.
  • John Brownstone is the perfect Dominant for Kayla without the need for a pedestal, even with the mistakes, oops, and uh-ohs in their relationship. A good Dominant can be perfect for you without being a perfect person.

Sponsorships are available for any kinky or erotic businesses looking to reach a new audience. Contact Kayla for more details and rates.

Topic suggestions and questions are always welcome from listeners. Contact Kayla or John, and you’ll receive a personal response. If your question or suggestion is used in an upcoming episode, your anonymity is guaranteed.


A full transcript is available on the episode page.

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

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