The Craziness of Vanilla Life and Your D/s Relationship

How to deal with the craziness of vanilla life and your D/s relationship

Another week, another Loving BDSM podcast episode! Yes, even in the middle of a complete overhaul of the website, I’m recording shows and doing my normal thing. It may or may not be an addiction, lol.

We’ve had a lot of craziness going on over here for several weeks – a new backyard patio that’s sucking up our weekends; the end of school insanity for the kids; work, work, and more work, and it reminded me of how I felt the first time vanilla life got in the way of our D/s kinky fuckery.

I wondered if we’d ever get back to normal. I wondered if maybe I wasn’t really a submissive. (As if.)

I always figure that if I wonder something, someone else does too. So this week, I’m sharing the tricks John Brownstone and I have used – and still use – to feel our D/s selves even when there is zero kinky fuckery in sight.

Oh, and yes, this week does have a transcript if you prefer to read rather than listen.

From the show:

  • It’s been a long week and few months with not a lot of kinky fuckery.
  • The panic attack during sex didn’t help.
  • Sometimes vanilla life knocks you down and D/s takes a back seat. It’s normal.
  • Not doing as many kinky things doesn’t make you less D/s.
  • Sometimes the smallest things can have a big impact.
  • Staying mindful of who and what you are will help you remember what D/s feels like even when life gets crazy.
  • Dominants may have specific tones and looks, but so do submissives. Use them.
  • More tasks aren’t always the answer for a submissive. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us what to do.
  • If you care enough to worry whether you’re still D/s when you can’t be kinky, you probably care enough to make sure you don’t get stuck for too long in vanilla life.

Listen to the show:

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Loving BDSM podcast

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I would like to thank you for your podcast. I am not in a D/s relationship at this time. But I am doing my own research to find out what I want in a D/s relationship. I am also a baby girl as well as a sub. I am getting a late start in the lifestyle so I have a lot to learn. You have helped a lot. The best thing about my journey is that I do not have to hide anything from my family. When dealing with my vanilla life and it starts to make me a little grumpy my son will stop me and tell me to go spend time with my kinky friends… awesome.

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