The Craziness of Vanilla Life and Your D/s Relationship

Another week, another Loving BDSM podcast episode! Yes, even in the middle of a complete overhaul of the website, I’m recording shows and doing my normal thing. It may or may not be an addiction, lol.

We’ve had a lot of craziness going on over here for several weeks – a new backyard patio that’s sucking up our weekends; the end of school insanity for the kids; work, work, and more work, and it reminded me of how I felt the first time vanilla life got in the way of our D/s kinky fuckery.

I wondered if we’d ever get back to normal. I wondered if maybe I wasn’t really a submissive. (As if.)

I always figure that if I wonder something, someone else does too. So this week, I’m sharing the tricks John Brownstone and I have used – and still use – to feel our D/s selves even when there is zero kinky fuckery in sight.

Oh, and yes, this week does have a transcript if you prefer to read rather than listen.

From the show:

  • It’s been a long week and few months with not a lot of kinky fuckery.
  • The panic attack during sex didn’t help.
  • Sometimes vanilla life knocks you down and D/s takes a back seat. It’s normal.
  • Not doing as many kinky things doesn’t make you less D/s.
  • Sometimes the smallest things can have a big impact.
  • Staying mindful of who and what you are will help you remember what D/s feels like even when life gets crazy.
  • Dominants may have specific tones and looks, but so do submissives. Use them.
  • More tasks aren’t always the answer for a submissive. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us what to do.
  • If you care enough to worry whether you’re still D/s when you can’t be kinky, you probably care enough to make sure you don’t get stuck for too long in vanilla life.

Listen to the show:

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I would like to thank you for your podcast. I am not in a D/s relationship at this time. But I am doing my own research to find out what I want in a D/s relationship. I am also a baby girl as well as a sub. I am getting a late start in the lifestyle so I have a lot to learn. You have helped a lot. The best thing about my journey is that I do not have to hide anything from my family. When dealing with my vanilla life and it starts to make me a little grumpy my son will stop me and tell me to go spend time with my kinky friends… awesome.

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