Every Damn Day in June 2019 Masturbation Monday

I Think My Vulva is Changing

Kayla Lords, naked with her hand on her vulva

The picture above was originally posted during February Photo Fest 2019.

The weirdest lesson, to me, of large scale weight loss (I lost 88 pounds over 10 years ago), is how the body changes. The one that still sticks with me is when my toes became skinnier. It made sense, of course. Every part of your body carries some amount of fat, water, muscles, whatever. Which means if you lose weight, you can lose it anywhere.

I already know how the body changes with weight gain. I’m covered in stretch marks. The ones from a six inch growth spurt one summer as a kid. Those I received when my boobs came in. And every mark I “earn” anytime my body shape changes, from one size to the other. They stopped bothering me a long time ago.

But knowing all of that, I still find myself shocked at the places on my body that can (and do) change…

Running my finger over my vulva, I notice a slight dip.

Is that area flatter? Or am I lying at a strange angle?

I shifted and kept stroking my mons and outer labia. Not every touch is sexual. I understand now why my kids (both with penises) used to grab themselves in moments of stress. It’s kind of comforting to put a hand down there. To touch and stroke and feel myself.

In that moment there was nothing going on. It was more of an absent-minded touch. Peaceful.

This definitely feels different.

I know enough to know that one week into any dietary or fitness change isn’t enough to notice major changes. But I’m in tune with my body and mind. Small differences stand out to me.

John Brownstone and I joke that I don’t need to start a conversation with, “This may sound crazy but…” because we already know I am.

“Don’t laugh, and this isn’t sexual, but I need you to touch my vulva where I show you.”

Thank gawd he’s a good sport about, well, everything. Not that a naked woman asking him to touch her cunt is such a hardship.

I grabbed his hand and placed his finger over the spot.

He knows my body better than I do and has spent many hours (though not recently) in between my thighs. He stopped. Stroked again. Looked at me.

“I’m not crazy — okay, yes I am — but it feels different…flatter…doesn’t it?”

Continuing to pet my body, he nodded his agreement.

And that’s when I realized (although I should have known) that my vulva can “lose weight” (a bad term, but it’s what I’ve got), too.

No, I’m not sure if I have feelings about a change in my vulva. I used to HATE it. It’s plump and looks nothing like any naked picture I’ve ever seen. For a very long time that bothered me.

These days, I care more about how my clit feels and what’s inside or near my vagina. How it looks is secondary. John Brownstone certainly appreciates it, so it’s clearly perfect.

Which means I’m not sure if I’ll be happy if it loses some of it’s plumpness or not. But any changes give me even more excuses to continue lazily exploring — not that I need a reason.

By the way, I highly recommend just stroking yourself, in general. I tend to learn new things about my body whenever I do — and it’s also extremely relaxing. With my wonky libido, this is as close as I’m getting to masturbation right now. It doesn’t offer a release like wanking does, but it feels nice.

Welcome to Masturbation Monday! The post isn’t remotely sexy but the picture is. But for actual smut that makes you want to touch yourself, you know where to go.

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I’m also writing every damn day in June with a bunch of other FABULOUS sex bloggers. Go check them out, too!

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Oh I love a good stroke (excuse the pun) but there is something very relaxing about just laying their lazily playing with yourself, not in a particularly sexual either, more a sensual exploration


  • That is so interesting, I never thought your vulva could change when you lose weight, but I guess that makes sense. I do love stroking myself in a non-sexual way and just get to know my own vulva.

  • You made me smile with this piece. Your thought process is spot on and it is great to have been able to capture that in writing. I have never noticed such changes but will be sure to pay more attention in future. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • If you ever want to write that post, I’d definitely read it. Because even though I know logically it can happen, it still feels strange to discover. And I *know* I’ve never seen anyone else talk about it — especially as it relates to weight loss.

  • I haven’t always found masturbation fun, but I have always enjoyed the sensation of just touching myself, whether it’s because it felt calming or just because it was fun to fiddle. Also, without being a doom monger, I always figure if anything does start to feel ‘out of place’ in a medical way, I’ll be more aware of what is and isn’t normal. To end on a positive note though, yay for vulvas, let’s touch them (consensually) and enjoy them in all the ways x

    • Yay for vulvas should be a sticker or a tee-shirt! And I read an interesting factoid that people with vulvas who masturbate regularly also tend to be more aware of their gynecological health — so I think there’s something to that. We touch and we realize when things are wrong, so we get them taken care of.

  • I liked reading this – over the years I have noticed so many different changes in mine too – I must say I do like the feel of it when it is plump but my clit has definitely got smaller – but still manages great orgasms – bodies are funny things 😉

    • My clit seems to be changing, too, and I haven’t adjusted to the changes yet. I still expect it to behave the way it did before, and it’s definitely not.

  • My wife touched herself when she’s reading erotica. She insists it’s nonsexual (she plucks pubic hairs, and then pulls them through her teeth to ‘straighten’ them out, and I’m pretty sure she’s sniffing her fingers too) but i’ve never believed her. After reading this post maybe she’s right and it IS non-sexual – albeit a bit freaky

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