Wicked Wednesday

The Validation to Call Myself an Educator

book spines that spell out never stop learning to discuss being an educator

Image via Pixabay

I never considered myself an “educator” until the day Professor Sex called me one. When I protested, she told me not to down play my work and said that I educate through experience instead of research. She validated everything I do in about three seconds, and I’ve loved her ever since for it. (For the record, I already adored her for multiple other reasons, and after meeting her in person, loved her for new reasons.)

That wasn’t what I set out to do. This whole weird journey began because I wanted to teach myself a few (dozen) things. How to masturbate and orgasm. What I enjoy sexually. How to express the erotic fantasies that had played in my head for 20 years.

I’ve always enjoyed learning. If my bank account would allow, I’d be a professional student, earning degree after degree. What in? Who knows — that would be part of the fun, too! My favorite childhood memories involve school. That may sound sad to some people, but I genuinely loved school and am confused that my own children don’t. I can’t relate to that part of their life. How do you not like school?

I thought my days of learning were over when I graduated college, but I quickly discovered that you can (and should) learn something from every experience. Even if all you get from it is a “That sucked” kind of education.

So yes, learning about my sexuality and kink was what I wanted — even when I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. But sharing what I know and feeling the power and connection of that kind of sharing is what matters most to me now.

I don’t feel like a legitimate educator because I have no degree that proves I can teach. Helping the kids with their homework is proof that I don’t really know how, either.

But I think about things…a lot. And I tell stories…a lot. I make a lot of connections (right or wrong) about what I think things mean. Some people learn by example, introspection, and shared experiences. Those people are my people. And for those people, I have something to say and teach.

Which is what I do.

The hundreds of people who message me and say I’ve helped them or their D/s relationship can’t be wrong. Nor are the writers who say that my advice helped them make money.


I don’t need validation to do what I do — share my thoughts and experiences in hopes that it helps someone else. I’ll do that even when no one is paying any attention. But to call myself an educator? Yeah, validation helps.

I’m not sure what I am in the kink or sex blogging communities, so I don’t give myself titles. It seems right to let other people decide what I am to them.

I don’t like to call myself a “sexpert” because I think that’s a strange title, but I let other people call me that. I still feel weird using the “kink educator” title but Professor Sex says I am, so I must be. (How’s that for logic?)

In my heart, I’m a storyteller who hopes people learn from my stories, experiences, and thoughts. I put the information out there and let people decide if it works for them. Over the years, I’ve managed to teach people a few things…and learn even more in the process which is how it should be.

Welcome to Wicked Wednesday where this week’s prompt is “education.”

rainbow circle that says Wicked Wednesday

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • You are very much an educator, over the years I have learned much from you. Your an amazing woman and I’m happy to call you mine. What Professor Sex told you is absolutely true. You teach with love, caring and honesty!

  • Oh you are an educator for sure, and a good one at that. I’ve learned a lot from you and your writing Kayla. I’ve also learned a lot from listening to and thinking about you and JB in action. You’d get my vote in the education stakes – you can’t learn and teach what you do through “conventional education systems” (which “experts” agree are fucked anyway – and not in a good way). Power to your pen, your voice and your big heart.
    Indie xx

  • I loved school too and I never tire of learning – I do agree about you being an educator – your sites are definitely hot beds of information if you excuse the pun 😉

  • You, my dear Kayla, definitely are an educator and I love your style… telling stories. I love reading your stuff, love listening to you. You have a way to write and say things that enthuse and inspire people. Keep doing what you do. We love it!

    Rebel xox

  • I think she is right, you are an educator and I think probably in the same way I am, because we share our own experiences in a way that allows people to relate to them and learn from them


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