I am not my anxiety. I am not my bipolar disorder. My mental health is not the sum total of who I am. But it has been a big part of my life over the past year.
I’m in a long-running process of finding the language and patterns to better understand what’s happening to me. And I’m not alone.
The more I open up about my own mental health, the more I connect with others who are in similar situations. Many people have asked me to talk about BDSM and mental health on the podcast and in my writing. I asked people to wait. I wasn’t ready.
Very slowly, I’ve started the process of understanding what science says, how my own health relates, and how (if at all) BDSM and kink can help – me or anyone else. I don’t know where the beginning really is in this kind of topic, but this week’s show is one place to start.
From the show:
- Go enter the Crescendo giveaway!
- We’re finally tackling a topic people have asked us to do for weeks and months: BDSM and mental health.
- This is just the first in what will likely be many conversations and you have to start somewhere.
- The main question we’re asking – is BDSM good for your mental health?
- Personally, I felt like I made more since once I discovered kink and BDSM.
- Old stereotypes about BDSM include that all of us are either abused or abusers at some point in life. Not true!
- Abuse happens (unfortunately) and some abuse survivors use kink to heal, help, or just to be happy. But that’s true in every walk of life.
- Studies show that BDSM might be better for us than we realized.
- Does BDSM actually help our mental health? Sometimes, yes.
- Kinky acts can help some of us with some mental health issues – spankings, S&M, bondage can alleviate feelings of anxiety for some of us.
- BDSM is good for your mental health if you’re in a safe, solid, stable relationship; it is not good for your mental health if you’re in a bad relationship, a chaotic situation, or have little support.
- I cannot be “dommed” out of anxiety or bipolar disorder but structure helps.
- Submissives aren’t the only ones who have mental health issues. Dominants do, too.
- Sometimes we don’t need domination or submission, just for someone to be there for us and tell us they still love us.
- No one should be ashamed to seek help, especially if your kinky acts are no longer helping if they once did. There’s no shame in taking medication if you need it, either.
- We’ve got a small announcement and postcards in the bonus section!
Listen to the show:
Listen on iTunes (and leave a review if you love what you hear!)
Podcast Addict (free app for Android!)
Or click the button below…
I commend your on posting the realities of mental health relating to ones sexuality. I work in the mental health field and I spend my time researching all aspects of Human Sexuality. It is refreshing to read your blog and listening to your podcast. I found a personal experience that when your lacking in that intense kinky behavior depression or anxiety can befall you.
Thank you. I agree, from my own experience, that when we do less (or no) kink, anxiety does tend to be closer to the surface for me.
Once again a topic I didn’t necessarily think I would relate to and yet I came away with several insights.
You had me in tears at work. :/
Wanting to make the right decisions and knowing that if you did what Daddy wanted you were right – I totally relate there. I also go through those irrational unloved thoughts in my head. That is why I am frequently asking him if he loves me.
It’s nice to know I am not alone.
You definitely aren’t alone, and I’m glad you got something out of it. ((HUGS))
I’m very lucky that Sir and I have a lot of the same mental health issues so we have a good understanding of what the other person is going through. As a kid I learned to just deal and muddle through my depression and anxiety. We are both seeing a counselor now as our mental health got considerably worse the last few years. I’m so grateful that he’s been there for me and he has expressed how grateful he is for me. We discovered D/s and BDSM about a year after our mental health took a dive. And it really helped me to hand control over to him and not have final responsibility for a lot of stuff. I just have to do what he wants me to do. And he is more at ease because he has greater control over things, and he has me as his helper.
I enjoyed listening to this and I think it’s a very important subject to discuss. I’ve read comments online that said if a person has mental illness they shouldn’t be doing BDSM. I don’t personally know a lot of people doing BDSM, but I do know a lot of people dealing with and managing mental illness and neurological disorders. I think under the right circumstances in a healthy relationship that BDSM and D/s activities could be beneficial to individuals with these struggles.
I recently found a couple of books of essays by doms and subs about BDSM and mental illness and neurological disorders collected by Del Tashlin and Raven Kaldera – Broken Toys (about subs) and Mastering Minds (about doms).
I need to check out both of those books – I’ve heard of them, but never sought them out.
I think BDSM can be incredibly helpful for some people. I know it helps me from time to time. I’m glad you’re both finding what works – within your relationship and with a counselor. ((HUGS))