When Eager Submissives Go a Little Crazy #podcast

When I say “crazy” I don’t mean mental illness, but ask a submissive who went through subfrenzy and looked back on the experience with clarity, and that’s the word most of us would use. I know I do.

Knowing what I know now, the only explanation is that I lost my damn mind in subfrenzy. I was fortunate enough that I didn’t get mixed up with a bad/poser Dom when it happened to me.

I don’t know this for a fact, but I’m willing to bet that some of the problems new submissives find themselves in are because they’re in subfrenzy. That overwhelming desire and eagerness to submit can cloud you’re thinking, allow you to say yes to a person you might otherwise avoid, keep you from sharing your needs and wants, or stay in a bad situation longer than you should.

So, it’s time to talk about it. Not everyone has heard of subfrenzy, and most of us don’t see it until we’re out of it. But it’s something that happens to a lot of new submissives and even subs who haven’t been in a D/s relationship in a long time.

In this show:

  • What is subfrenzy? A heady emotional time when a submissive is so excited and eager to submit that they go above and beyond, are overly enthusiastic, and will sometimes submit to someone not worthy out of the sheer excitement and happiness to be submitting at all.
  • Subfrenzy is one cause of many common problems submissives face.
  • When you’re in the middle of subfrenzy, you don’t usually know you’re in it, and so it’s not something you can just snap out of.
  • Is there a Dominant equivalent? We don’t know but if anyone has an opinion, we’re definitely interested.
  • What to do if you think subfrenzy put you in a bad situation or relationship
  • Subfrenzy is why it’s important never to give up your ability to consent, communicate, and negotiate – no matter how exciting it feels to finally submit.
  • We’ve got a new community-building postcard project (details in the bonus section!).

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • So if I understand correctly, if you are tempted to put up a Craigslist ad asking for a stranger to spank you, you might be experiencing subfrenzy.

    Dunno if there’s a Dom equivalent, but I do know that since I’ve become a Dom it’s hard to go to strip clubs cuz whenever dancers present their ass I have to remember not to spank her. Ha.

    • I don’t think putting up a CL ad automatically means you’re in subfrenzy. But doing it without giving a thought to safety, if it goes completely against your nature, and/or not taking precautions when you meet people – yes, all of that could be a sign of subfrenzy.

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