Yes, Real Dominants Cry #podcast

Y’all know I’m not comfortable with the “true” submissive, “true” Dominant thing. I don’t really like using “real” either. Typically I say kinksters are good, bad, or new (read: uneducated). However, desperate times call for desperate measures – or something like that.

Plenty of Dominants (male or female) think they’re supposed to have superhuman emotional strength at all times and in all situations. And yes, there are definitely a lot of times when a Dominant needs to be in control of their emotions. But that doesn’t mean they’re automatons with zero stress, worry, anger, or sadness.

In long-term, loving (romantic or platonic) D/s relationships, I absolutely believe there should be space for a Dominant to express even the most negative emotions. Partly because holding back tends to create more problems later and partly because most submissives yearn to take care of our Dominant (it’s part of how we serve), and we are capable of and willing to seeing our Dominants when they’re vulnerable – if they’ll let us.

Whether you agree with me or not, check out the latest podcast episode and let me know what you think.

From the show:

  • This week’s show is based on an email from a submissive friend who saw something on Fetlife from a Dominant who needed their submissive to “be there” for him during a rough time – and worried that it made him less Dominant.
  • We’ve talked about why submissives don’t always let our Dominants take care of us. Now it’s time to talk about being there for our Dominants more than what most people think of as the traditional D/s power exchange.
  • Many Dominants think they always have to be strong and in control. But life happens.
  • It’s okay for Dominants to show their emotions. It requires trust in the relationship and a certain amount of faith that their submissive won’t respond negatively.
  • Trust is built through communication and honesty and over time.
  • Submissives take care of Dominants in many ways. When they’re stressed or sad or worried is just another one of those ways. Dominants take care of us, so now it’s our turn.
  • Showing your emotions or needing extra care doesn’t make you weak.
  • Submissives, you can’t force your Dominant to share their emotions but you can let them know you’re open and willing to listen. It’s important not to be judgmental.
  • If a submissive is strong enough to handle the power exchange and giving up control, they’re certainly powerful enough to handle emotions from their Dominant.

Listen to the show:

Subscribe by RSS

Listen on iTunes (and leave a review if you love what you hear!)

Listen on Stitcher

Or click the button below…

Loving BDSM podcast

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Excellent post as usual. I love how informative you are and I know that these posts help people see the truth behind the lifestyle whereas most erotic fiction doesn’t. Thanks. XoXo

    • Thanks, Mischa. There’s a place for the fantasy and a place for the hard work of relationships. When the two come together, it’s hotter than anything erotic fiction could produce. 🙂

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.