Submissives Can Make Dominants Look Like Rockstars or Total Duds #podcast

In BDSM, there’s a lot of talk about the power of a submissive – and I believe submissives do have plenty of power, sometimes more than you realize (especially if you’re new). But we have a power that doesn’t get talked about much, and it can be used for good or evil.

The way a submissive behaves is a direct reflection of their Dominant, at least in some people’s eyes, especially in your local community.

Before anyone gets their hackles up and starts sputtering about how unfair that is, calm down. Think about this for a second.

How you behave, as a submissive in a D/s relationship, is part you – as a human being – and how much control your Dominant has over your behavior, what they’ve taught you, and the expectations they have for you. Sometimes, your Dominant is fairly relaxed. Sometimes, your Dominant is so new they don’t know that they’re being judged by how you behave. Sometimes you have a great Dominant, and you’re the one who’s making mistakes.

The way I see it behaving well in kinky public allows me to honor John Brownstone and help him earn the respect of his peers (because he damn well deserves their respect). A submissive’s behavior isn’t the only determining factor about how a Dominant is perceived, but it’s an important one and something to think about if you’re going to venture into any kink community – in person or online.

So of course, we had to talk about it in the podcast. Take a look, and whether you agree or disagree, let me know (respectfully and with kindness, of course).

From the show:

  • The Loving BDSM One Year Giveaway is next week! Prizes will be from My Nawashi, Twisted Skrewz, Cane-iac, and both of us.
  • The idea of submissives being a reflection of their Dominant didn’t sit well with me when I first heard it but after a little time spent in my local community, I understand it and agree with it.
  • Bad behavior from a submissive is thought to be a lack of control or discipline by a Dominant.
  • Certain behavior that’s okay in private isn’t always okay in public – even when you’re with other kinksters.
  • When in doubt, be respectful and ask what the protocol is, if you’re unsure how to behave.
  • When a submissive is well-behaved, both of you earn respect in your local lifestyle.
  • Respect is important for building trust with other kinksters and being known (in a good way) within your local community.
  • As a submissive, I want to behave in public for two reasons: 1) I don’t want to get in trouble and 2) I don’t want anyone to think less of John Brownstone for my actions.

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I don’t always get a chance to comment on your pod casts but I love them and love this one even more. Very much agree with you about how we act being a reflection and while you would think it would be easy to see/think/remember…sometimes it’s not.

  • Just wanted to comment that this is SUCH a great commentary on how the behavior of subs affects our Dominants. We are representing our Dominants/Daddy and being an ass or a brat is a poor reflection of our respect for them.
    Love this list!!

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