I had a panic attack during sex last night.
Yeah, not the sexiest thing that’s ever happened to me. And by “during sex” I mean “as he was poised to thrust his cock into my body.”
We’d flirted back and forth (yes, people in relationships flirt) earlier in the day, and he’d promised to “taste” me, as he put it. If you follow John Brownstone on Tumblr, you know that Tuesdays are “Taste-Her-Tuesday.” After all the smutty pictures he’d posted, he was fired up. He’d sent dirty emails filled with exactly what his tongue was going to do. It gave me the good shivers to read it, but since my libido has been low, that was about it.
I admit that I had high hopes for the orgasms I was about to receive. They were supposed to cure whatever was sucking up all of my sexual desire because, in case you didn’t know, it’s very difficult to think of, write, or imagine anything smutty and kinky when you’re running low on desire.
From the first lick, I knew something wasn’t right. Each touch on my clit was like a jolt of electricity through my body – and not a good one. For the first time in probably ever, my reaction was to scoot away, close my legs, anything to make the overwhelming feelings stop. (No, I didn’t use my safeword – I really thought I could relax and get into it.)
My body took over a few times, and orgasms pulsed through me. They were good, but the panic had already set in. When he lifted my legs back over my chest and readied himself for the first thrust, I realized I couldn’t breathe.
Which is when I started hyperventilating.
Nothing will kill a hard-on quicker than your partner gasping for breath – and it’s not part of your kinky fuckery.
He switched positions, but it was too late. I was gone. I’d become a shaking, gasping mess. I wasn’t sobbing – I didn’t have enough air for all that – but tears streamed down my face. When I caught my breath, I mumbled an “I’m sorry” to which he shushed me.
Gathering me into his arms, he stroked my hair and simply held me, in an attempt to soothe me. My mind was racing with incoherent thoughts. Every time I thought I might be okay, an errant thought would cut through the mental fog, and I’d panic again, struggling to breathe, shaking like a leaf, mumbling apologies.
What made me freak out?
I have a few guesses. I’m still sorting it all out in my head.
When I woke up this morning, I felt hung over and drained. I’m fine now and I’ll be fine later, but I promise you, that moment wasn’t music to anyone’s ears.
Welcome to Wicked Wednesday! This week’s prompt is about the music that moves you. Go find out what kind of sensual, erotic goodness the other writers have for you this week. I have no doubt someone is making better music than I am right now.
No, no, no, no…..and no.
It wasn’t the best moment ever, that’s for sure.
Oh no… I hope you’ve sorted what’s wrong. Hugs
I feel so hungover that I’m just wading through the day. I have no doubt we’ll work it out and get me back to normal. 🙂
Thanks for writing about the struggles too. It sounds like he knows how to handle the situation.
I would never want anyone reading my blog to think it’s perfect all the time. If I have any complaints (other than the missed opportunity for lots of orgasms and great sex, lol), it’s that I don’t know why it happened and I’m not sure of the fix. But that’s okay. We’re all a work in progress.
He’s handling it well. But we feed off each other’s energies, so we’re both tense together – thankfully we’re trying to figure it out together.
I am so sorry to hear you went through this and I sure hope you will feel better soon, that you can get sorted what is bugging you and causing you this kind of stress.
Thank you, and I’m sure I will. It’ll be nice to be back to my old self again, lol.
Sorry about your panic attack. Hope you sort it out soon.
I think we’ve figured it out, and we’re getting back on track. 🙂
Thanks for writing about this. I had a panic attack during sex a few months ago. My husband handled it well, too. I know what caused it and it was an external factor, something I needed to learn to manage throughout everything in my life. Things got better. But it takes time.
I am so sorry that happened to you! They definitely aren’t any fun, especially during THAT moment. JB and I talked it over, and I think we’ve figured it out, too. Now that I’m aware of the cause, I can be on the look out and mitigate things a bit to avoid it happening again. That’s the hope anyway.
I’m really sorry. I’ve had a few panic attacks, and you feel vulnerable, this must have been more so. Hoping it gets easier soon.
Thankfully JB is a good man so he took good care of me. We talked things over, and I may have a handle on it. Hopefully I won’t get any more nasty surprises like that – at least not any time soon. 🙂
Ugh! I hate this for you. But take your time with it. Feel it out. Don’t rush it. We know that you’ll make it through but my theory is that things happen for a reason. Not that you deserve it… but you are at a stronger place where you can face the music versus maybe an earlier time. You’ve got this chica. I’m rooting for your settled energy.
Thank you, Jade. I think we’ve figured out what caused it, but that hasn’t helped my libido return (cue sad face). We work well together so we’ll get it resolved. 😀
Good that you’ll work together… I’m sure he’ll have no qualms about helping with the libido either! *winks* Happy Thursday.
That would be kind of scary. Would prompt a lot of cuddling and soothing.
It was and it did. 🙂
Such a horrible thing to have to endure. No doubt you will come out swinging (in a good way), but still not something any would wish to go through.
It was a strange moment, for sure. Thankfully within a few days I started feeling more myself again. 😀
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