When You Simply Can’t Comply – When Subs Say No #GuestPost

Help me welcome Laura of the School of Squirt to the blog today! She helps run the site to teach people how to help women have the best orgasms of their lives – squirting or not. And y’all know how I feel about orgasms! This was one of those posts that when I read it, I said, “Yes, yes, yes!” (No, not because I came, lol.)

To my D/s readers, take note of this one. Submissives can’t and won’t always say “yes” to everything – and they shouldn’t. I’ll let Laura explain.

In a Dominant and submissive relationship, there is always a power struggle. No matter which role you embody, you are always aware of your own position within the relationship. Submissive crave the freedom that comes with being released from making decisions and surrendering to the desires of someone else. Dominants, on the other hand, relish in the ability not only to control another, but to mold them and guide them on a path to deeper understanding.

While this form of a power play is normal in D/s relationships, even outside of a healthy sex life, that doesn’t mean those roles are written in stone. There are times when even the most ager submissive finds he or she simply can’t comply with what’s being asked of them. This can happen early on in a relationship and it’s also possible in relationships that have gone on for years. When a submissive wants to say no to something, it’s important to examine why he or she disagrees and how best to move forward.

In a D/s relationship, the rules regarding behavior might be confined to the bedroom or sex play or they may be engrained in every aspect of the couple’s life. In one relationship, a woman might only be submissive when the couple is alone while in another a woman might submit to what her partner wants in everything from which dildo to use to what car they’ll buy.

Whatever the agreed upon arrangement, that doesn’t necessarily negate the submissive’s ability to disagree. While ‘No’ isn’t something she says often, if her partner truly respects and values her, he’ll pay attention.

As a submissive, it’s important to frame your refusal properly. This isn’t the time for theatrics or over the top arguments. Instead, state your position politely, but firmly. Be ready to offer up an explanation. This isn’t the time to skirt the issue or to speak vaguely. Whatever the hang-up is, state it clearly so that your Dominant can either address the issue in order to move past your reluctance or, at the very least, be able to understand where you’re coming from.

The first question is, of course, what is the submissive objecting to. If it’s a sexual practice, it may be a problem with her comfort either physically or emotionally. While submissives are generally more than happy to stretch their boundaries and move out of their comfort zone to please the Dom in their life, there are always limits. In some cases, these limits are temporary and can be worked through by dealing with the underlying issue as a couple. Other times, the issue may not be something the submissive can work past – or at least not in the near future. In these cases, dominants should encourage their submissive to reconsider at a later date and be willing to help her resolve whatever is holding her back.

If the couple extends their dominant and submissive roles outside the bedroom, the disagreement could be about anything. It may be that the couple should re-evaluate how far to take their roles. Not every sexual submissive is happy to give up control in their public lives, even if they originally thought they were. This doesn’t mean the couple can’t enjoy a fulfilling and healthy D/s sex life – simply that they may need to scale things back when it comes to their public lives.

No matter what a submissive is objecting to, or which method you choose as a couple to move past it, listening to her is key. Submissives aren’t quick to disagree with the Dominant, so when she makes the decision to say No – listen closely. Understanding her defiance or reluctance can help strengthen your relationship and further her journey into fulfilling submission.

Laura runs School Of Squirt where her and her partner teach the ins and outs of making squirting part of a great sex life. When Laura isn’t writing about sex, or having sex herself you’ll probably find her stretched out in some odd yoga position.