Trust in a D/s Relationship: Earn It, Build It, Keep It #podcast


Last week’s podcast episode was a big one (consent always is an important topic), but it may have been the most fun I’ve had making the show in the past several weeks. Sitting down and talking to John Brownstone is good for my mind and my soul, and even I know we have something special.

When it was time to work on this week’s show, I knew I wanted to discuss trust, even though it’s another big topic. One episode will never contain the whole spectrum of trust: creation, maintenance, loss, fear, so many things center around trust. I also knew that I didn’t want to do it alone. Why? Because you probably shouldn’t hear about trust just from someone who has serious trust issues. (When I say I trust no one, that’s what I mean. John Brownstone is the only person on this planet I trust completely. And no, I don’t think that’s very healthy.)

You deserve a larger perspective on trust. So, this week, you get both of us.

We giggled. We hiccuped. We sweated (our recording studio is the closet and it was HOT in there). I also said “fuck” way more than I should. But hopefully, if you make it through the hour-long episode, you’ll agree that some of our experiences with trust and how we handle it may be useful or enlightening. Maybe you’ll just nod your head and think, “Yep, me too.”

Either way, I hope you enjoy the sound of us having a good time, talking about a topic we both feel deeply and passionately about.

In this episode:

  • Trust issues will rear their ugly head at the strangest times.
  • Consistency plays a large part in building trust between two people.
  • Trust is important whether your D/s relationship is loving or just for play.
  • Do what you say you’ll do.
  • Developing a sense of trust in a long distance relationship takes constant communication and a willingness to be open about the details.
  • Anyone who’s had at least one bad break-up has to overcome the memories that play in their head (John Brownstone calls these “bad tapes”) in order to commit, trust, and move on to something better.
  • Once in a relationship, trust issues can still be a factor – blame the “bad tapes.” The fix is consistency, honesty, and integrity.
  • When trust is broken, what you choose to do about it is unique to you: repair the relationship or move one – but it must be dealt with in some way or you’ll never move on.

Listen to the show:

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Holy Fuck! I was flipping out in the car and could hardly contain myself at my desk. Two shout-outs!!! <3

    I had to finish listening at work with earbuds because I could not take the long route. I was on probation from Daddy for being late to work too many times and that ended last night.

    Of course I listened to the whole thing! I always get something out of it, if nothing other than how we do ttwd is perfectly ok. 🙂

    • The moment I realized we were taking on another big topic that would take FOREVER, I thought of you, lol.

      Uh yeah, DON’T get back on probation! I don’t want to be the one who sends you there, either!!

      So glad you liked it!

  • Wow, this resonated with me. The baggage I carry and the voices that start talking to me hit hard this past week after an unexpected and very manipulative visit from my ex this weekend. I realized that down deep I am pretty much convinced that every man will be like my ex, my dad, and my brother, and I’m just waiting for the betrayal. Not sure how I’m going to get around these trust issues and the anxiety they are causing me. Thank you for this podcast ?

    • Peep,
      It does come, but it takes consistency from the man. I have occasional bad tapes turn on, but I can now recognize them sooner and turn them off. Time with a good man will give you new memories to run in times of crisis. It is certainly a lot to overcome, but you want to escape the madness, and your current place is giving you tools to combat the insanity. Hugs.

    • I don’t think it’s YOU who needs to get around the trust issues. Yes, you should acknowledge and recognize them, but you’ve (necessarily) built walls around yourself. It’s up to the worthy potential partner to scale them. Not everyone will want to, but not everyone should. It only takes one person who proves themselves to be true and consistent. Just one. And here’s the deal, the goods continue to prove themselves in word and deed every day. The same should be true in reverse. My belief is that I can’t hold someone to my own high standards of winning my trust if I’m not willing to do the same. So while that person, whoever they may be, works hard to show they’re not like the others and to record over your bad tapes, when you do the same in reverse, you can build something really, really amazing and strong. Not perfect but still better than you could ever have imagined before. When (if) that time comes, you might not be ready for it, but let the person who deserves you work for you – and your trust.

  • Kayla,
    I’m trying to figure out how I can listen to the podcasts. Darn nosy kids and short commute! Looking forward to this one.

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