Why Won’t We Let Our Dominants Help Us? #podcast


Another week, another Loving BDSM podcast episode. Have I told anyone lately how much I love doing the podcast? No, really, y’all. I was up late on Wednesday night getting this one together, even when I kept telling myself it was okay to stop and do it the next day. What I do here in this space is energizing most of the time, and the podcast even more so.

Even cooler (because I think I’m might be kind of a dork) was that the episode was a topic suggestion from a listener, and it’s one that I don’t think I have a complete answer for. So I’m questioning things just as much as the person who sent the email. And yes, I shamelessly beg listeners who have their own opinions and theories to share their thoughts.

What are we talking about?

Why do (some) submissives seem to have such a problem accepting help from our Dominants? For some of us, what we want is to be protected, nurtured, and taken care of. Well, sometimes that comes in the form of actual help, and when we get it, at least some of us, don’t know what to do about it, and we try to refuse.

John Brownstone doesn’t let me refuse anymore. And I’ve learned how to say, “Yes, Daddy, please help. Here, can do you this [fill in the blank from feeding the dog to getting me a glass of water.]”

Ultimately, my theory is that to get over it, we have to be mindful of our own thoughts that make us reject the help and learn how to lean on our Dominants and let them take the lead, even if leading looks a lot like helping.

From the show:

  • A listener asks: why is so hard to accept help and care from our Dominants when that’s what we say we want?
  • Kayla has experienced the same issue many times.
  • The first time was in the kitchen.
  • There are plenty of reasons it might happen.
  • Is it become submissives feel like a burden?
  • Is it because we don’t think we’re worthy of the help?
  • Is it leftover from years of being taught to be independent and not rely on anyone?
  • Is it something else?
  • To move past an unwillingness to accept help takes time and a willingness to let our Dominant lead.
  • Kayla asks for feedback and opinions of listeners about why they think submissives do this.

Listen to the show:

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

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