What I Mean When I Say I Need a Reset #podcast

OMG, y’all, ask and ye shall receive! Every week, I specifically ask people to send in their topic requests for the Loving BDSM podcast and it seems to be working! This week, I received an email from a listener who’d heard me refer to “resets” and wanted to know what I meant by that and how they worked.

A podcast episode topic was born. (Thank gawd, because I was trying to choose between about 10 topics and none were doing it for me.)

Of course, I can only give my take on needing a reset, but I’ve noticed commonalities between myself and plenty of other submissives. Feeling overwhelmed with a noisy mind caused by too much vanilla life stress – which necessitates a spanking (for me). Of course, I also learned this past weekend that forced orgasms will do the trick, too. Ha!

Anyway, if you’re interested, check out the episode and for any submissives who haven’t been “reset” by their Dominant yet but think they need one, share this with them and see if it helps. John Brownstone and I use a code phrase (“my skin feels too tight”) so that he knows when I need one. But sometimes, he knows I need one before I do.

A full transcript is included on the episode post for those who can’t listen but still want the info.

From the show:

  • A reset is needed when a submissive gets a noisy mind and negative feelings after just enough stress that create a sense of being overwhelmed.
  • It manifests, for Kayla, in a variety of ways: tears, lack of focus, crankiness.
  • Resets aren’t just for submissives. Dominants benefit from them as well, but submissives tend to admit to needing one and talk about it more easily.
  • A hard spanking is the go-to cure. When it’s really bad for Kayla, a spanking that causes tears does the trick. Even a few forced orgasms help, too.
  • Vanilla life and D/s needs can often co-exist with no problems, but when they can’t, a reset can help a submissive find focus and peace again.
  • Anything can create a noisy mind that needs to be reset: stress from work and home, disagreements, anything.
  • Dominants need resets, too. Whether it’s feeling out of control or a lack of desire to make any decisions, doing something that is pleasurable as a Dominant can help.

Listen to the show:

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Oh Kayla, you’re singing my song. I’m in need of a major re-set this weekend. I love a good re-set. Sir is so good at that. Love your podcasts…and miss you on Facebook. ?

    • LOL, I don’t think it’s bad at all. He’s a smart man to realize it’s better to give them to you more often than to let you get to an explosion. I don’t see that being good for anyone, lol.

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