Wicked Wednesday

I Forgot How Much PMS Sucks

I haven’t had my period in nearly five years.

I’m in my 30s, and no, it isn’t from menopause. After the birth of my youngest, I went back on birth control because this factory was clooooooooosed. No more babies for me. But I kept forgetting to take my pill.

To be fair, I wasn’t exactly having regular sex with my husband at the time so getting pregnant probably wasn’t something to worry about, but the possibility was there, and I wasn’t taking any chances.

My doctor recommended Mirena as an alternative to the pill. Inserted vaginally, it would last for five years, and in her words, “Probably stop your period completely.”

Not sure I’ve ever signed up for anything quicker in my whole life.

I heard about the side effects. I’ve seen the lawsuits. Don’t care. It could have made my pussy glow in the dark, and I was still willing to try it out. No period for five years?! Whaaaaaaa??

Here I am, five years later, and I will need to have the old one removed and a new one inserted in the next three months. I’m dreading the procedure as the last time felt like a massive punch in the gut. But I can live with it because I know it will keep me period-free and pregnancy-free for another five years.

I can tell my birth control is nearing the end of its life. I’ve had PMS over the last three months, and it sucks. I’ve cried. I’ve railed at the world. I’ve eaten too much chocolate. Each month it’s lasted a little longer and been more intense. Fun times.

Poor John Brownstone. He’s only known a period-free, PMS-free Kayla. This has been a new experience for him.

Whenever he starts thinking it’s bad, I tell him the horror stories of the pre-Mirena years. Nine day periods (yes, that really happened – a LOT). Hormonal swings that lasted a week. Cramps that kept me in bed for three or four days at a time.

My current birth control saved my panties, my sheets, and my sanity.

For the small bouts of hormonal fluctuations he’s lived through over the past few months, he’s been a trooper. He rubs my back to soothe me, gives me plenty of spankings to clear my mind, and doesn’t say a word when I attack a piece of chocolate like a hyena diving into a decaying carcass in the wild. He backs away slowly when I start to growl a little, though.

I don’t miss the old days, the pre-Mirena days. I’ve always hated my period and PMS. The past few months have simply been a reminder that I prefer to keep my hormonal fluctuations in check as much as medical science will allow.

Welcome to Wicked Wednesday! This week’s prompt was about hormones and reminded me that John Brownstone and I survived a week of hormonal hell earlier this month. Hopefully that will end in the next few months, and I can get back to “normal” – whatever that means.

I'd Forgotten How Much PMS Sucks

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Sorry to hear and saying a prayer for patience for you both until it can be addressed with the replacement device…

    Love to you both, miss Kayla…

    -Tom Wolf

  • I’m really lucky I never really had much trouble with my periods. They were light, only lasted 4 days, and arrived as regular as clockwork. Even before I went on the pill, I always used to take the combined pill which was okay if you ignored the sobbing mess I became for 7 days a month. Then about five years ago I got the chance to switch to the mini pill. So much better. I haven’t had a period since going on it. I don’t have a problem taking it because I take it with my other meds. I wouldn’t go back.

    Great post. xx

  • I love that you have kept your sense of humor through this! I had never heard of Mirena, but I probably would have signed up for it as well if I hadn’t had a hysterectomy early on. Not having periods – best thing ever 🙂

  • I hear you. Dr just put me on the pill for the hormones, I have pcos.
    I feel like a teenager just getting her period.

    • My doctors have always asked me if I’ve had cysts – I think it’s because I have so many symptoms (but not, of course) of pcos.

      When I was on it, the pill definitely helped PMS and my periods.

  • I’m with you and Oleander on this: no more periods… best thing ever.

    Good luck on getting the new Mirena, and don’t wait too long to do it 😉

    Rebel xox

  • I am just about to get my mirena replaced for the third time. I am like you and had 9 day periods with 4-5 days of those clotting. I have had a problem every time they changed it. It cord has gotten wrapped around itself and they end up having to knock me out ot get it out. Even with that complication, I would never pick another contraception again 🙂

    • I worry about potential complications because I’ve heard stories like yours…but I’m with you, not even that makes me want to consider something else. 🙂

  • Best thing I ever did was have a hysterectomy no more periods YAY.

    Had mine in my 30s so have been period free now for nearly 30 years thank goodness.

    No need to worry if taking antibiotics stops the pill working. No need to worry if I have the flu and the pill stops working so much more relaxed during sex too although I have nearly forgotten what that’s like at the moment as no man on the horizon. boo hoo

  • Ugh… I’m slightly crazy for a day or two but it magically goes away. I manage it pretty well most times….

  • I agree, no periods and no PMS is fabulous! I hadn’t had it since last October and then it showed up in May. I had been hoping that it was gone for good. It hasn’t come back again yet. *fingers crossed* Hope you can get rid of yours again soon!

    • I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you! That’s a big ole tease to go away and come back like that.

      I’ll call next month to make my appointment. One of the few times in life I actually *want* to go to the gynecologist.

  • Your PMS issues, story of my life! But you are brave to try that method of birth control. I got the NuvaRing instead and things aren’t half as bad now. Still get cramps but they are seldom as bad as they were in previous years.

    • I didn’t know just how bad Mirena affected people until AFTER I had it put in. I’m lucky, I guess, that I haven’t dealt with side effects.

      Cramps suck.

  • Lol’d at the hyena analogy. I’m considering an IUD because the thought of getting pregnant sends me in to crazy lady tailspin. I can’t even think about it without hives appearing.

    • I have a similar reaction, lol. I love mine. No muss, no fuss, and we move on. Of course, the insertion feels like someone’s punching you in the gut, but I’ll take that over 12 hours of labor to push out a baby.

  • LOL, so I guess I’m seeing the silver lining in my dark (menopausal) cloud here… Hope things sort out for your soon! Poor SK, he had PMSing daughters just as his wife entered menopause.

    Which would initiate his really bad joke of, “How do you make a hormone? You kick her in the stomach…” (groan…).

    • Groan is right, lol.

      I’m damn grateful for boys…yeah, they’re moody, too, and have their own “emissions” but at least I’m not dealing with someone else’s periods, lol.

  • I have the Mirena too, it is wonderful! My first one lasted 3 years before my periods came back but luckily my doctor agreed to change it early. I’ve had the second one for about 2 years now and I could imagine going back to life before the Mirena!

  • This happens at the end of the Mirena?!? I had no idea.
    Mine is due next April but I am having increasing symptoms. I just had the doc give me something for monthly anxiety. Ugh

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