I like to take one day of the week and talk about what Dominance and submission (D/s) means in my relationship and to me, a real life look at D/s. Sometimes things happen that I think are important but they aren’t enough for a full blog post. So today you get bits and pieces of D/s.
If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t No One Happy
I’ve used this expression for years to help explain how I think my mother should view her life – my stepdad, her job as a manager to 100+ employees and to explain my former marriage and career, and I always considered it in the guise that “Mama” is in control and “Mama” should always be kept happy. Until now…
I said it to Daddy the other day, while discussing the day ahead and the potential for the boys to be unhappy and whiny. His response was, “Shouldn’t that be, ‘If Daddy isn’t happy?'” At first, my response was a yes, but then I thought about it.
“If the boys upset me, are you happy, Daddy?”
“When I’m spinning out of control with thoughts and worries, are you miserable, too?”
“Ok, if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.”
He had to admit I was right. It’s not about power, and yes, replace “mama” with “Daddy” and the meaning is still there. Ultimately, when one of us is unhappy, so is the other.
We’re in this together.
As I’m writing this, it’s the day before Daddy goes in for a colonoscopy – a necessity after his sister’s diagnosis. When you read it, it will be a week later, and I’m sure the outcome will be just fine. But as of right this second (as I write these words), Daddy has to fast prior to tomorrow’s procedure. Clear liquids, no solids. Coffee but no cream, clear broth, Jello and popsicles as long as they aren’t red or purple, and of course some disgusting concoction that he must drink to clean out the system.
I cook nearly all our meals. With him unable to eat for a full day, the roast chicken and mashed potatoes I’d planned for today were out, of course. But the more I thought about preparing a meal for myself while he drank his Sprite and broth, the more uncomfortable I became. I couldn’t do it. So we’re fasting together. I get some consolation prizes such as creamer in my coffee or tea and Coke instead of Sprite. And of course, I’ve made the ultimate sacrifice – I will eat the red popsicles that were included in the box.
Daddy tells me that I don’t have to do this, that he understands this is just for his procedure and its temporary. I know that. But I just can’t do it. It doesn’t seem fair or right. I did, however, admit that I might sneak a cracker when he’s not looking – but I probably won’t. I do know this…the breakfast we’re going to get after his procedure will probably be the best one ever.
D/s is so much more than kinky sex (as great as that is). It’s a relationship between two people, one of whom is in control. For us, we’re a team in all things. He leads and I follow, but we’re together, no matter what.