Bits and Pieces #dominance #submission

I like to take one day of the week and talk about what Dominance and submission (D/s) means in my relationship and to me, a real life look at D/s. Sometimes things happen that I think are important but they aren’t enough for a full blog post. So today you get bits and pieces of D/s.

If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t No One Happy

I’ve used this expression for years to help explain how I think my mother should view her life – my stepdad, her job as a manager to 100+ employees and to explain my former marriage and career, and I always considered it in the guise that “Mama” is in control and “Mama” should always be kept happy. Until now…

I said it to Daddy the other day, while discussing the day ahead and the potential for the boys to be unhappy and whiny. His response was, “Shouldn’t that be, ‘If Daddy isn’t happy?'” At first, my response was a yes, but then I thought about it.

“If the boys upset me, are you happy, Daddy?”

“Well, no.”

“When I’m spinning out of control with thoughts and worries, are you miserable, too?”


“Ok, if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.”

He had to admit I was right. It’s not about power, and yes, replace “mama” with “Daddy” and the meaning is still there. Ultimately, when one of us is unhappy, so is the other.

We’re in this together.

As I’m writing this, it’s the day before Daddy goes in for a colonoscopy – a necessity after his sister’s diagnosis. When you read it, it will be a week later, and I’m sure the outcome will be just fine. But as of right this second (as I write these words), Daddy has to fast prior to tomorrow’s procedure. Clear liquids, no solids. Coffee but no cream, clear broth, Jello and popsicles as long as they aren’t red or purple, and of course some disgusting concoction that he must drink to clean out the system.

I cook nearly all our meals. With him unable to eat for a full day, the roast chicken and mashed potatoes I’d planned for today were out, of course. But the more I thought about preparing a meal for myself while he drank his Sprite and broth, the more uncomfortable I became. I couldn’t do it. So we’re fasting together. I get some consolation prizes such as creamer in my coffee or tea and Coke instead of Sprite. And of course, I’ve made the ultimate sacrifice – I will eat the red popsicles that were included in the box.

Daddy tells me that I don’t have to do this, that he understands this is just for his procedure and its temporary. I know that. But I just can’t do it. It doesn’t seem fair or right. I did, however, admit that I might sneak a cracker when he’s not looking – but I probably won’t. I do know this…the breakfast we’re going to get after his procedure will probably be the best one ever.

D/s is so much more than kinky sex (as great as that is). It’s a relationship between two people, one of whom is in control. For us, we’re a team in all things. He leads and I follow, but we’re together, no matter what.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Hope everything went well with the test. Our marriage is not D/s. We are just beginning to explore. The one constant in any successful relationship is teamwork. Giving and taking. Putting others needs before your own and taking pleasure from fulfilling others needs. My advice as a happily married for 30 years emerging sub. You two seem to be doing it just right.

    • We’re trying. 🙂

      Most people forget that D/s relationships are quite similar to any other relationship. Hopefully I remind people of that from time to time. 😀

    • Well said miss Robin! And might I say to you, relax and enjoy the journey of growing even deeper in love with one another… 30 years is a long time for devotion to one another, but it will seem like seconds when time stands still as you evolve in your D/s journey. It’s amazing to me how much more love I have for Mynx today than I did yesterday and it continues to extrapolate exponentially upon itself. Big smiles to you miss Robin, and to you too miss Kayla… Your collective devotions are examples to be emulated! 🙂

      -Tom Wolf (Mynx’s Sir)

      • Thank you so much Mr. wolf. I’m trying to relax and enjoy. I’m really trying to let him be in the drivers seat. Unfortunately, sometimes I can be a backseat driver.

  • Can I get an AAAAAMEN!? Very very very well said miss Kayla! OMG- that what one must suffer so the other will too, and that you do it out of love- not out of being forced by manhandling or guilt… And then too- the sacrifice of eating the red and purple Popsicles? Oh miss Kayla- such pure devotion!!! LOL- just kidding around about the last part… And post colonoscopy, yah, I might suggest swimmers nose plugs for the next 24 hours, just sayin… 😉

    • I think he felt bad for me that I was fasting with him…whatevs, that day after breakfast was worth the “sacrifice” lol.

      Oh, and we did okay post-procedure. No more need for nose plugs than any other day, lol. That being said, I think you’ll be happy to know that the doctor assured SSir that he was fit, healthy with zero problems. The doctor proclaimed SSir the perfect asshole. 😉

  • It has been quite the week for us with so much going on and so much that we talked about as always. I’m just glad at this point to be able to put the colonoscopy behind me. It was nice hearing from both the doctor and the nurse after that I have such perfection even though it be an asshole.

  • First of all I keep thinking of the song Bits and Pieces by (I had to ask DMW) the Dave Clark 5, then I giggled when I read that John Brownstone had put the colonoscopy BEHIND him, and now I want to smile at your show of solidarity. I have the same procedure next month, but somehow I doubt DMW will fast with me. Glad to hear it all went well!

    • Smiles and giggles sound good to me. We were relieved that he is problem free and doesn’t have to have a repeat performance for several years. We’ve giggled over the “perfect asshole” thing for days now. Good luck with your procedure – your first meal afterwards will be the best you’ve ever tasted. 🙂

    • Peep, we actually managed to make colonoscopies something we can do together. We actually did them on the same day. We fasted together. Thankfully, we have two bathrooms

  • I’ve known a perfect asshole for over 30 years…. he moved out in April LOL

    Glad you are both doing well and happy.


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