This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt actually took my breath away – and not in a good way. The topic is safe sex and how we as writers can (or should) incorporate it into our writing.
I don’t talk about safe sex in any of my writing. I feel sort of guilty about that. But I think I know why I don’t…
Most of my erotic involves people in committed relationships with one another. Or at least, in my mind, they are. Sex in The Big Game and The Visitor was controlled by the Dominant – and in my mind, he completely vetted the men who had their way with his submissive. In The Adventures of Sir and Babygirl, I detail the beginning of their relationship and then threw in a couple of hot stories assuming they were fairly established in their relationship.
That being said, now I feel an obligation of sorts to add an element of that into the next Sir and Babygirl stories. At least one story should probably focus on the beginning of their sexual life together and how they navigate those waters.
I have another reason for not discussing safe sex. It’s not a great reason, but it’s a real one. I was raised on the knowledge that you have to have sex in a safe manner. Full disclosure of partners, condoms, birth control – that was part of my education growing up. To me, it’s understood that you should always practice safe sex, especially with a brand new partner. It never seems necessary to explain that safe sex should be a topic, because everyone should already know about it. Right? Wrong. I know that not everyone practices safe sex, considers it necessary, etc.
So kids – and grown-ups re-entering the world of sex with new partners – be open and honest about the amount of partners you’ve had, use condoms, and get tested periodically. My testing system is probably not be the best, but seems effective – every so often, I donate blood. I’m giving back and, I’m confident that they’ll be contacting me if there’s an issue. In all seriousness, though, if you think there’s even the slightest chance you could have something – hell, if you’ve had unprotected sex with someone you barely know – go get tested. You’re probably fine, but if you’re not, you need to know so you can deal with it.
I’m putting myself out there in a big way by saying this, there are some nasties out there that a) don’t show up in blood tests and b) are very often asymptomatic.
I learned the hard way. 🙁
((HUGS)) And that’s definitely something for people to think about.
well said !
Thank you!
From a medical standpoint, you can’t ever be TOO careful. New partners committed to monogomy should produce a clean test report, then really… each should get tested again in 6 months. At that point, most of the STD’s will have shown up. Barrier methods should be used during that 6 months. However…. I know from experience that most play partners won’t do this.
I don’t think you have any obligation to incorporate safe sex practices into your stories. Certainly not the short ones like The Visitor and The Big Game, those are pure fantasy. ( Well, okay, I’m hoping in my case that they don’t STAY 100% fantasy…). Any solid D/s couple would incorporate discussion of protection, both emotional and physical, anyway, before embarking on any activities like this.
Interesting idea though, I think it would kill the mood for the reader.
I agree with you completely, and you give perfect and sound advice.
I don’t think I’d incorporate the crinkle of a condom wrapper into any of my stories (unless it made sense to do), but Sir and Babygirl may want to have a discussion about it. I’ll only write it out if I can make it sound real without being a mood killer.
I don’t think you have to feel pressured to add safe sex to your stories. No need to do that, in my opinion. And your advice in this post is perfect!
Rebel xox
Thank you. 🙂
I don’t think I would for fantasy stuff, but when I write about a developing relationship, I think it might have a place.
I feel that it is ridiculous to expect the writer of fiction to “educate” the reader to the virtues of safe sex. Fiction should be a form of escapism where fantasy exists and reality can disappear, just for a little while!
~Mia~ xx
I definitely don’t disagree with you. And I think it would be a bad idea in most stories (as Peep said, a mood killer). But sometimes, I think it can work.
I think stories are there for the writer to enjoy writing and the reader to enjoy reading. Characters that only live in the imagination of the minds have no obligation to have safe sex, or have any safe sex documented in minute detail! 🙂
LOL – safe sex documented in minute detail – I think that sentence made me want to go to sleep from boredom. And by that I mean that I agree with you completely. Not sure I can make the awkward removal of the condom from the box (with the tape that won’t give way) sound sexy. And it’s definitely not a challenge I want to undertake. 🙂
Great advice that even the intelligent neglect to remember. Mistakes happen and you trust someone you shouldn’t. That’s why testing periodically is important.
I have a feeling the intelligent neglect it more often than we know…it’s easy to think it won’t happen to you.
Very important subject – well said. I think the best course of action, is if you have unprotected sex with a stranger – you get tested. As has been said above, many nasties will not manifest themselves initially with symptoms and the longer they are left, the worse the outcome can be eventually both for you and a partner.
Great topic!
I think you’re right.
I have the fantasy of having an additional partner, but I can’t imagine if I could really go through with it because of the fear of a potentially nasty something…
Sadly, my potentially nasty something came from a highly intelligent man who’d only had sex with the same woman for the previous 20 years before me. He never even knew he was infected. It can happen to anyone.
There are some STD’s that are virtually asymptomatic in males, viral ones in particular. Intelligence has nothing to do with it, but he had to contract it from someone else that was infected, so somebody in that relationship wasn’t monogamous. I’m so sorry you have had to suffer because of it.
Thank you, Peep. Yes, viruses are no respecters of high IQs! 🙂
Yes, the poor man was quite shattered to realize that him passing a virus to me meant that his ex-wife had not been faithful. I was simply shattered for quite a while. No matter how blameless one is, shame does seem to be an inevitable by-product.
What’s done is done and can’t be undone. Sigh….the gifts from infidelity that keep on giving, both physical and psychological. Again, I’m so sorry.