Wicked Wednesday

Nerves #WickedWednesday

Uncertainty makes me nervous. Newness makes me nervous. A lack of a plan makes me nervous. Basically, I'm a nervous person in any situation where I can't predict the outcome - or I can predict an outcome I won't like.

My solution to this level of nervousness and worry - I call myself a worrier - is to plan for as much as I can. I prefer to have back-up plans for my back-up plans.  I don't mind having a plan A, B, C, or hell, even Z. Even if I never use any of my plans, as long as I know I have one, I'm much more comfortable.

I'm not exactly what you'd call spontaneous. Shocking, right? Even when I appear spontaneous, I can promise you, I've been thinking on whatever it is for at least a few hours - minimum. I run through plans in my head, taking them to every possible conclusion I can think of. As I've gotten older and (hopefully) wiser, I can consider more possible outcomes. You'd think the growing older and wiser thing would make me relax a bit. Eh, not really.

The plans I come up with (all in my head, waiting to be used at a moment's notice when a certain series of events come to fruition, depending on the situation) allow me to appear relaxed. To people who don't know me very well, I probably seem decisive in certain situations. It's all an act, though. I'm either using a plan I've already formulated or I'm following whatever steps I took the last time that situation happened.

I sound like a mess, don't I?

I am always thinking. My brain rarely just stops, and I very rarely relax. Thank God for Daddy or I never would. He is the only person I've ever met who can make the constant thoughts stop in their tracks.

When I don't have a plan to fall back on, when I'm really unsure, that's when my nervousness shows. Most of the time, my nerves translate into babbling. I talk fast, the tone of my voice higher than usual. I stumble over my words and simply ramble. Sometimes, my nerves manifest into aggravation. I'm short-tempered and impatient - that's usually when I'm desperately trying to think of a plan to make me feel less nervous and what I really need is for everyone to shut up and leave me alone.

Wow, I really do sound like a mess.

In a lot of my life, I'm not truly nervous or scared. I worry a little less than I used to, as I've learned that I really can take care of myself and my children. My relationship with Daddy is the only thing in my life that I've ever taken day by day (for the most part). In the beginning, I wasn't brave enough to consider that we would have a future, so I took it day by day, believing it would end. I assumed it would at some point, not daring to believe he and I could be something real. Now, I don't worry about the future - I believe in our shared vision with my whole heart, and I don't feel nervous thinking about it.

But the rest of my life? Holy hell, I'm constantly thinking, worrying, and planning.

This week's Wicked Wednesday prompt was about nerves and nervousness - a topic near and dear to my heart.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

25 Comments

  • You are not as bad as you used to be, in the time I have known you you have come a long way and I don’t notice you worrying as much.
    But then to I know how to cure it as well, just grabbing a handful of that hair works 😉

    • /giggles, this is true – you do know the cure. But you also know better than anyone how much I’m always thinking…how many times do I start a sentence with, “I’ve been thinking…?” 🙂

  • Playing scenarios and conversations out in my head is something I do too to try and prepare myself for what is to come.Yep, I am a pretty nervous type too…

    Nice post, thanks for sharing!

    Rebel xox

  • Kayla, I am the same exact way!!!

    I worry about everything and everyone under the sun. I worry about people here on WP I’ve never even met, especially new subs….will they get hurt..

    Nobody who doesn’t truly know me would ever know.

    And I second that sex is good! I also LOVE it spanked out of me

    And….I’ve had a wooden hairbrush broken over my bottom too 🙂

    • I wonder if the worry is an inherent trait in submissives? Not to say that people who aren’t submissive don’t worry, but I haven’t met too many submissives who don’t have minds that whirl around at 90 miles an hour, usually with worry.

  • Thinking constantly and always preparing for scenarios is something I relate to very much. It doesn’t sound like a mess to me. It’s nice that you have a relationship that gives you a change of pace in that, though. 🙂

    • I’m able to recognize how he helps me, so when I feel myself falling into a pattern of constant worry and planning, I call him or reach out to him…he calms me almost immediately. 🙂

  • Every time I say to Sir ” I’ve been thinking”, he shakes his head and says oh no what now….sits down and says lay it on me!” And then I fill his ears and brain with my worries, and his words to me is usually “just stop”! I too am a worrier, about anything and everything, about work, kids, friends! Oh and Sirs that have shingles and take meds and….. Oh I’ll stop there! You name it its on my list of worries!
    And sometimes I’ve learned that I can give my worries over to my Sir, he knows best, and sometimes has the fix to make the worry desolve!

    Hugs friend, Mynx

    • I’ve never told anyone this (not even Daddy), but sometimes, when I’ve been thinking about something having to do with Daddy and myself, I get a little nervous…ok, sometimes really nervous. I think he’s figured out that the words, “Daddy, I’ve been thinking…” are often the signal to some request or some new thing I want or need.

      The rest of my worries, although there are fewer, tumble out of me with relative ease when we’re talking…because I know he’s the calm, cool, collected one and will either cut through my fears or offer suggestions or (better yet) confirm my ideas for how to deal with the worry.

  • Oh, anxiety. What a terrible pill that one is. Understand completely. My anxiety and nerves manifests differently, but it can eat me alive if I’m not careful. I hope age helps us both! Namaste

  • I can’t say it is true of all submissives, but I think the mental rumination is part of why a submissive craves a dominant, someone who is strong enough to say, “Stop!”, and to whom she’ll actually listen.

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