Hooray for Saturday! The day where I sleep in (as much as my boys will let me) and I spend the day blogging about dominance and submission in an effort to make the lifestyle less scary and more real. I have a feeling what I’m about to describe won’t do that.
The longer I’m with my Daddy, the more I want to submit. Of course, distance prevents a lot of this, but I’ve learned through past experiences that dominance and submission (D/s) can be achieved over the phone, via text, and through email. I also find that I want more discipline, more dominance.
Daddy worries that he may not be Dominant enough for me. I don’t worry about that. I know he is. I’ve kept him at arms length for so long that until I let him know otherwise, he will only go so far. In some ways, we’ve come a long way since the beginning. I only orgasm with permission. He watches what I eat and how often I exercise. He helps me keep a schedule on the weekends so I can actually accomplish everything I want to. He picks out my panties every day. I’m not a good enough writer to explain why I want and need this so much, but the more he controls certain aspects of my life, the closer I feel to him.
Proving I’m never completely satisfied, I still want more. I don’t mean to be, but sometimes I’m flippant, sassy, and almost disrespectful. I feel bad afterwards. He doesn’t say anything, but I want him to. I want to be reminded of who I belong to. I want to hear the sharpness of his voice, his Dom voice. Sometimes, even though I don’t understand how I feel, I want to be brought low, to be reminded that I’m not in charge.
Without completely understanding why, I crave discipline – his discipline.
This post resonates deeply with me. I crave that discipline too. Sometimes I do get a bit disrespectful (not fully on purpose, I just don’t think sometimes). I have the need to obey and sometimes I don’t, and I don’t entirely know why. I feel absolutely terrible about it when stuff like that happens. I am my own worst enemy and am harder on myself than anyone else. I will beat myself up in my mind for days on end, I have trouble letting things go sometimes. My theory on why I think I personally crave the discipline is because I need help letting it go, moving past it. I think I need that firm reminder that He is in charge and while it was unacceptable, with the end of the discipline (in whatever form it takes) it is forgiven and it is okay to forgive myself.
The firm reminder he is in charge – that sums it up for me.
My Daddy is incredibly sweet to me, and I adore that about him. But sometimes, I need the harsh and the strict. Just as a reminder…
I’m sure that if he reads your blog he will certainly pick up on the hint.
/giggles…this is true…if I used my blog posts as a way to communicate with him. 😉