I’m a masochist which means I enjoy pain in different ways. Daddy is a sadist which means he enjoys inflicting pain in different ways. That’s our part of our kink. Not every submissive is a pain slut, and not every Dominant is sadistic. I’m not always a pain slut, even though I wish I was.
And, while it’s easy to think that I constantly run around with my nipples clamped, being chased by Daddy who’s wielding a whip, our enjoyment of pain doesn’t actually work that way. As with everything else, we both have to be in the mood. Not all pain is good pain, even when the intent is kinky and sexual.
Sometimes Daddy bites me, and I cry in genuine pain, the ouch-this-shit-hurts-please-stop pain. Sometimes, he pinches me or smacks my ass, and I purr and lean into him. He knows me well enough to know the difference and adjusts accordingly. He’s a loving Dominant so if I’m not into it, he won’t continue. Sadist doesn’t mean he’s unfeeling or cruel (although some sadists are unfeeling and cruel).
He sank his teeth into my shoulder the other night, and real tears came to my eyes.
“What’s going on with your pain tolerance, babygirl?”
“I don’t know, Daddy. I was like this last time, too. Until my therapy spanking.”
I’m not sure why my tolerance for pain comes and goes like it does. When I’m feeling particularly submissive, I can handle more pain than when I’m not. And I spend so much of my time in a more vanilla role that it often takes a day or two, sometimes longer, for me to fall into a more submissive frame of mind.
When I’m brought low, and I become very aware of who’s in charge, I process pain differently. I feel the sting of the pain itself, but there’s also an undercurrent of pleasure. The sting of a flogger hitting my ass sends sparks to my clit. The red warmth that blooms on my face after a sharp smack feels like warm honey flowing through my veins. I acknowledge the pain, but I am so completely turned on by the force that caused the pain that it truly doesn’t hurt.
Oh, God, but when I’m not in the right head space, I feel like I’m being torn apart by animals. His teeth on my flesh burns. My brain convinces me that I’m going to start bleeding. The pain is unbearable and never-ending. I twist and turn in his arms, desperate to get away. I have no tolerance and find myself unable to ride the waves until I find the pleasure. I hate that feeling.
So just remember, Dominant and submissive (D/s) relationships aren’t always between a sadist and a masochist. And even a masochist doesn’t enjoy every moment of pain that’s inflicted. Even more, sadists don’t always spend every waking moment plotting their next sadistic move. We’re people in a relationship – with a few twists and turns.
I think you are on to something here for me. I too at times have trouble processing pain into pleasure. And I never really gave much thought to how deep into my submissive head space I’m in. As if there are stages of submission…there’s a post in there some where! My Sir is also a sadist, and I call myself a wanna be masochist, I crave it, desire it, but get caught inside my head unable to process it sometimes. I wish there was more written on how to process pain into pleasure, but I guess it’s also different for everyone. Great post Kayla.
Happy New Year to you and your Daddy, hope it brings you continued love and joy beyond both of your dreams!
Hugs, Mynx
For anyone who has to live partly in the vanilla world (I assume that’s most of us), I think there are definite stages to submission because it’s impossible for us to engage in D/s every moment of the day. I’m happiest when I can stand back and let Daddy lead in most areas of our lives…which is happening more and more as he and I become comfortable with his interactions with my children (not that I’m not the Mama Bear with my boys, but I will defer to Daddy at times).
It’s all a process, though. And it’s different for everyone. But I’ve been handling pain better in the past few days than I did when we first arrived. 🙂
Agreed, and it seems the more influence of the vanilla world one has had to tolerate the harder it is to let go and sink into the submissive headspace needed, at least for me. I think I’m beginning to believe there needs to be some sort of transition ritual for me, and Sir will need to help encourage that deeper submissive headspace for me to clear my mind, let go, and to find the pleasure. Thanks friend!
He mentioned to me the other day that it’s funny that he is a sadist and I’m masochist, but we were soft and cuddly when together. I think that’s because we need that closeness, that intimate connection before we can move in to more. I certainly agree with the levels or stages of submission. There are times when activities I usually live and crave seem too much.
I agree completely. Daddy and I have very cuddly moments…and then we have our rougher, nastier, scary-to-the-outsiders moments. I love both equally.
There is always an ebb and flow, there are times when the cuddling and soft moments come into play and then the times when the rough play is apparent.
As with anything there are different levels to Dominance just as there is with submission. Depending on what is influencing at the time in vanilla land can have a direct effect on it.
As a Dominant though; being the one who leads it can be hard when that feeling of ebbing comes into effect. One cannot just abdicate leadership at a whim so it can be much more difficult to navigate those ebbs and flows.
I’ve always thought Dominants have the hardest part. You pretty much have to be “on” most of the time – and I can definitely sense the ebb and flow in both of us.
Pain is so wonderful, yet so confusing.
I agree completely. 🙂