I have a guest blogger this week! Yay!!! Who wants to hold hands and dance with me?? The best part? He’s a personal friend of mine! I had to twist his arm a little – and if you’ve ever dealt with a Dominant man, you know how hard that can be! Southern Sir is my guest this week, and he has some advice for new Dominants or those thinking of getting into the lifestyle. Like what he has to say? The links to follow him are at the bottom of this post.
You are a new Dominant or even one that may have already begun exploring your Dominant tendencies, and you’re ready to step out into the world of D/s. Being a Dominant bears a great deal of responsibility.
Whether you are called Sir, Master, Mistress, Ma’am, or any other term, it comes with the accountability on your part to do your job.
Yes, you are in control.
Yes, you are in charge.
Yes, you are the one making the decisions.
You are also the one who has been given the trustworthiness to do the right thing by your submissive.
I’ve read so many submissives’ blogs who have given themselves to a Dom only for the Dom to just walk away never to be heard from again.
Understand, when a submissive gives you that part of them, they make themselves vulnerable, they open themselves up to you. Not just sexually. That is only a small part of what submission is.
They look to their Dom to guide them.
They look to their Dom to be there when they need a safe haven from the world.
Yes, in the BDSM world, the initial beginnings of discovering one another are very similar in some aspects of vanilla dating. You are just throwing the kink into it as well.
Granted in the vanilla world not all relationships work out just as they do in the BDSM world.
The difference is that when a sub submits to you she is fully giving ALL of herself to you unlike in the vanilla world.
When the one she has given that gift to is suddenly gone, it’s like a part of her has been ripped away, which in fact it has.
When first talking to a submissive, many – not all but many of them, tend towards impatience. It is up to you as the Dom, as the one in control, to help harness that impatience.
On the other side of that coin many submissives are gun-shy; they may have built walls around themselves to protect them. Are you willing to invest the time and patience to chip away at those walls? It takes great patience and persistence to break through those walls for a sub to begin to trust you.
Consistency is another trait a sub will look for in a Dom.
If you say you are going to call them at a certain time, to build the trust they need to be able to submit, it is good to keep to that and call when they expect.
Granted there may well be extenuating circumstances; life does happen as long as that doesn’t become the norm.
Consistency also follows through when negotiating rules; subs like structure, the sense of stability. Again they are looking towards you the Dominant to provide that. Don’t make the rules so overly complicated that they have a hard time following them, and you have a hard time enforcing them.
When you decide you are ready to take on having a submissive and being someone’s Dominant be sure that it is what you want, be sure that you are willing to invest the time and most of all the emotions.
When you have a sub that worships you it can be the most wonderful thing in the world for there is no love like the love of a truly devoted submissive.
Just do not ever take that love and devotion lightly.
Like what you read? Follow Southern Sir’s blog: http://southernsirsplace.wordpress.com/
He’s on Twitter too! @SouthernSirsPl
AND, he’s on Tumblr: http://southernsir.tumblr.com/
Thanks for sharing. I like what you say about impatience, and I don’t know that I’ve seen this addressed before. I’m very, “Uh, uh! Gimme, gimme!” by nature and definitely need to be reminded that this whole journey (for me at least) is not a race.
It definitely isn’t a race, but I understand the impatience part…thank God for people like Southern Sir who has the patience of a saint… 🙂