Submissive Wicked Wednesday

My Submissive Mindset #WickedWednesday

For Wicked Wednesday, I’m taking the easy way out…I have another post already written that applies. The prompt for this week is “mindset” and while I hesitate to call my sexual submissiveness a “mindset” because I believe it’s an inherent part of who I am, I think this one applies. It’s only a month old, so apologies if you’ve read this one before, but I think it’s worth a repeat.

My Type of Submission – originally posted July 6, 2013

In last week’s post detailing the routine of my day as a submissive woman, I mentioned that I identify as a “little.” That seems appropriate for today’s topic. Of course, I’ve been thinking a lot about my submission in the past few days – partly because I knew I wanted to discuss it here and partly because I’ve been with my Dominant since Wednesday night.

Yes, he’s mine just as much as I am his. Anyone looking at pictures on Tumblr or simply reading BDSM erotica will see many Dominants (male or female) claim their submissive with a simple word, “Mine.” That’s very true. Part of what I love about being a submissive is belonging to my Dominant. But without me, he wouldn’t be a Dominant. He’d be a man with Dominant tendencies. The two need one another to exist.

Ok, so I got off on a little tangent there. Today, I want to focus on my “type” of submission. Dominance and submission is one of those times in life when we really are all unique snowflakes. Kinks abound in this world, and what gets me off might be stomach-turning to someone else.

In my first D/s relationship, I was simply a submissive woman. Which tells you nothing, right? Basically, I wanted to do anything and everything that would please him. I was “pet” to him, and he was “Sir.” He and I had already discussed what I liked, what I didn’t, so when I say I wanted to do anything and everything, I mean, within my own personal limits that we’d discussed. He was a strict Sir who wanted and took absolute control. I liked that about him. It was intoxicating to know that anything we did sexually was at his whim. While he went to great lengths to make sure I was satisfied, most of my satisfaction came from submission. Releasing all control heightened my pleasure. It was addictive.

And then that ended.

Months have passed, and I’m dipping my toe into the D/s waters again, but this time it’s completely different. I spent the months that I was alone exploring what I called my “little girl tendencies.” This is a side of me that didn’t see much light even when I was a little girl. Those tendencies include a love of the colors pink and purple, pigtails, teddy bears, and every once in a while, Hello Kitty. That side of me also cries when life seems unfair, pouts, and stomps her foot – a lot.

For the record, I’m not into age play, and when I’m feeling “little,” I don’t act like a small child. There are people out there who are into that thing, and I say more power to them. For me, it’s a state of mind. It’s the side of me that’s most vulnerable. I’ve spent most of my adult life (and even a good bit of my childhood) apologizing for how I felt or hiding my real feelings – in an effort to protect myself from rejection.

Calling him “Daddy” was the scariest thing I’ve done yet, and at the same time, the most liberating. To him, I am “baby,” “babygirl,” and sometimes “little one.” Remember, this isn’t about age play. As a Daddy, he’s protective, caring, nurturing, loving, and indulgent (at times). He’s also firm and constantly looking out for my best interests. At the core of it all, he’s still a Dominant man, and he will take what he wants when he wants it – and as a submissive woman, I adore that.

The difference between my first relationship and this one is the freedom I feel like I have. Before, I wasn’t allowed to touch Sir without permission – it was always granted, but there was a protocol to follow to receive permission. It may sound restrictive, but it was heady stuff. Wanting to touch him and not knowing if I would be allowed to – I was turned on more by the chance of denial than anything.

Now? Oh now, if I want to touch Daddy, I can. But, like most little girls (in any sense of the term), I don’t know what to do once I get what I want. When I want to show how happy I am, I tend to pepper his neck with kisses. He always smiles indulgently. Of course, when I make his breath catch and I feel his muscles tense, I take it a step further (I am a grown woman with a full sexual appetite, after all). I lick and nip and nibble – until he decides enough is enough and takes what he wants.

Here’s the thing…I don’t expect anyone to understand the Daddy/little girl dynamic of Dominance and submission. Hell, I don’t really expect anyone to understand D/s in general. Hearing a grown woman call a grown man “Daddy” when he’s clearly not her father freaks some people out. I don’t consider him my father – I wouldn’t be able to suck his cock if I did. He doesn’t consider me to be his daughter. He wouldn’t be able to fuck the hell out of me if he did.

All I can say as way of explanation is that it’s a state of mind for us. The side of me that still feels innocent and young responds to the nurturing, caring side of him. The part of me that craves giving up control, sexually and in some other aspects of my life, is drawn to the quiet control of a good Dominant man.

At the end of the day, we’re a man and a woman who’s sexual kinks speak the same language.

What I’m slowly learning, about myself, is that how I submit and the way I submit can be influenced by the personality of the man I find worthy of my submission. Not that I’m looking or wanting someone new, but I wonder what kind of submissive I would be with someone else.  Am I simply a woman who wants to submit to any good Dominant who earns my trust or am I a specific “type” or two of submissive woman who needs a specific type of Dominant? Right now, there’s no way to know – and I’m ok with that.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I like ” Dominance and submission is one of those times in life when we really are all unique snowflakes.” Indeed! 🙂

  • Last night for the first time, while inside my head chewing on things, I caught a glimpse of the power of ‘Daddy’, a way to take back the word, to strip it of all its hurt, and use it in a way that reclaims its power.

  • It was revealing to both of us when, some years ago, something happened which demonstrated that my submission was within me and not ’caused’ by SilverHubby being a dominant.

    • That had to be one of those life-changing moments…I know when I realized I was submissive, it was…and then the first time I said “Daddy,” I had another…

  • I find the Dominant / submissive mindsets fascinating. I read many explanations and comments on the subject and each offers a unique incite into the particular ‘snowflake’ of a persons mind. It strikes me, particularly when reading something like this that many submissives are actually controlling the relationship as much as the dominant partner. I love the mind, it’s such a powerful and complicated thing.

    Thank you for sharing your view.

    • In some ways, yes, as a submissive, I have control…with one word, I can stop all action…if I choose not to give up control, I don’t – except that in a D/s relationship, if the other person wants control, something like that would cool the relationship down considerably (I imagine)…and yes, the mind is amazing… 🙂

  • This post is wonderful. There are so much in here that made me think about my own submission, the way I see it, the things I need. I think I will leave this post up on my screen and read it a couple of times more.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Rebel xox

    • Yay!!! I love it when something about me makes sense for someone else…maybe we’re not all unique snowflakes after all? I’m ok with that, too! 🙂

  • I think this line sums it up perfectly for me ” we’re a man and a woman who’s sexual kinks speak the same language.” I would say exactly the same thing about my Sir and I


  • I agree, each relationship is like a snowflake. Different and yet all part of the same beautiful thing.
    I wish you luck in you choices and many years of happy pleasure

    • Thank you! So far, that’s been the biggest lesson – each relationship is different in D/s…I’m not just one type of submissive…I’m His submissive…if that makes sense…

  • I was thinking about this topic the other day, and I completely understand how the dynamic can easily be separate from age play. There is nothing greater than a father’s love for his little girl, and when you experience a love like that, you know you are with someone who will do whatever it takes to protect, nurture, love, provide, and encourage you to be all that you can be. Intense, powerful stuff!

    • Very intense, very powerful…and the similarities to a father’s love sometimes throw me off because it’s hard to imagine love like that being sexual but it works…

    • You are quite welcome. I spent several weeks denying my little…the moment I embraced it, it was just another puzzle piece sliding in to make me feel more complete. 🙂

  • You know we all have our “small” and vulnerable places and it is so good when we find the person that can support and love us when we need it in those places.

    You have described so well some of the dynamics of the D/s, Daddy/little girl etc. so well.

    There are many similarities in so many of these, however, each individual relationship is unique just like the people in it. Such a wonderful tapestry of life, kink and love!!!

    ~Mia~ xx

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.