For the record, this blog is not going to become some Mommy blog (blogs I respect and enjoy reading – when others are writing them). I don’t have a lot of sexy thoughts ready to spill out of me, but I can feel them percolating in the background. I’ll get back to sexy. Just give me a few days.
Parents, in general, have to accept many things. Babies spit up. Small children wake up too damn early. All children will disobey and test you any chance they can. We, as parents, will probably screw up our children in some way, no matter how hard we try not to. In my case, I learned early on to accept that my oldest is my experiment and my youngest is reaping the benefits of his big brother being the one that I practice on first.
There are things, specific to single parenthood (I think) that I accepted a long time ago. Even so, sometimes it’s hard to have to look those things in the eye and reaffirm that I accept them, that I saw this coming, that I knew it would be this way.
I accept that there are some men who do not want to be involved with a single mother. I accept it, and I don’t judge anyone for it. If I was done raising children or had no children, I’d probably be a bit leery, too.
I accept that I will probably raise my children into their teenage years and beyond by myself.
I accept that most men will only want me in a casual way.
I accept that the men who seem to be the most drawn to me are the least likely to feel like raising children again or for the first time.
I accept that I refuse to compromise my children’s well-being in order to make sure I’m not alone at night.
I accept that my job as a mother and the commitment I made to doing the best I can will always come first, before my own career, and certainly before a casual love affair.
I accept that I will be alone more often than not.
I accept that I will keep the two sides of my life separate for a long time.
I don’t say any of this with a defeatist attitude. To me, this is a reality I accepted the moment I separated from their father. I never anticipated the other side of the reality. I never expected their father to abandon them. I never expected to do it completely on my own with only babysitters as back ups.
I used to be scared to do it on my own. I was scared to be alone. I’m not scared anymore. This is life, and I take it as it comes – or at least I try to take it as it comes. I’m a planner and a worrier, I always have been.
I don’t believe in fairy tales and I’m on the fence about miracles. I attract men who are significantly older than me – and I prefer it that way. It simply means they’ve already raised their children and don’t want to raise more. I don’t blame them. That really would be true love.
I accept that spankings, collarings, submission, all of it, are harder as a parent – single or not. Those moments have to be snatched when they can, whenever they can. I accept that I’m climbing an uphill battle just to go on a date, let alone get my ass smacked. I think that’s true for all parents.
I’m not complacent in my life. I’m not depressed. I’m not angry. I’m not defeated. I simply accept my reality as it stands right now.
Yes those men are rare but I think there are more of us than you might think and I sincerely hope you find one, but in the mean to e feel good and proud that your children have a very loving and caring parent who cares and cherishes them, that can also be rare. Just because a child has two (parents) really doesn’t mean a thing. Keep up the good fight and by the way have some fun…. you deserve it.
Having fun is the plan.
And I’d rather them just have me as one parent who’s desperate to do a good job than a second parent who’s not paying attention. If the day ever comes that a potential long term relationship is an option, I’m going to be pretty damn picky. 🙂
You’re making me want to stay put. I worry about this stuff.
It’s not the worst thing in the world…I can have fun, too. But the men who are willing to take on the entire package are rare…I firmly believe that.
*hugs* So well said…from someone who is also going it alone & has managed to make good out of what many people could only see bad in. Hooray for women like us!
You will raise two young men who will cherish and respect women. Becuase they will have grown up seeing a mom who loved them beyond everything else in life. And when they take a wife you can look at her and let her know that if she ever hurts your babies you can and will kick her ass because you are the worlds toughest mom. Some of us are proud of you beyond words. Because you are a mom, a really good mom. Hugs
Thank you. My only goal is to raise good men. The rest is just extra.
From one “single” Mom to another, I so hear you! I am recently divorced from very unhealthy ex and kids are better off for sure. However, just being single again after 20 years just starting to get looks again, a few dinner dates, and as soon as they even find out I have kids of “school” age they loose my number. Yes those men are rare, but I will never lose hope for good things are in both our futures!! Again, I hear ya!
((HUGS)) The men who aren’t afraid of kids might be rare, but yeah, they’re worth the wait.
Your children are lucky to have you. They know they are loved and will be cared for and protected. And they will understand what it means to be a woman and respect them always.
And there are more men out there who like kids and would be willing to help. Men who can’t aren’t worth your time right now, because it’s like adding another child to the mix.
In the meantime enjoy your boys and let things happen as they should.
Thank you. Letting things happen in their own time is my plan.
I’m sure those men are out there…just not in the pool that seems to notice me right now. And that’s ok. If it’s supposed to be happen, it will.
I sense realism and not defeat. The only thing I would change is the accepting most men will only want you in a casual way. Don’t, unless you just WANT to, have anything to do with those types of men. Wait for the right man. I waited close to three years.
Casual is about all my heart can handle right now, so I really don’t mind too much.
Let me tell you something. There will come a day when a man walks into your life and not walk out. You will find the Sir of your dreams. He will want to raise your children and smack your ass. You will find him. Or he will find you. And you will get the fairy tale. With a riding crop of course.
If that happens, great. Am I looking for it? Hell no. I’m still putting the pieces back together…and I’m focusing on other things. It doesn’t mean that I’m not very aware of my reality, though.
You know honey, I tried to leave my husband. I thought I could. I left for one week. One damn week. I was in misery. It wasn’t the loneliness, it was the fact that he is one of the few people that “get” me. I have talked to that man every day for almost 25 years. I came home. We take it a day at a time. We don’t hold expectations of the future. He gives me what I need though. Love and a good spanking.
I hope you find that too. I certainly do.
I hope I do, too. ((HUGS))
((HUGS)) back at ya sweetie.