Emotions

Moments

I have moments where it still hits me. Even now. Three months later. Yes, it's been three months. Most people will say time has flown by. I wish I could say the same. Every time I think I'm doing fine, that I've figured out my feelings, something catches me at the "right" moment, and I'm lost again.

"He Won't Go" = Adele

Some say I'll be better without you
But they don't know you like I do
Or at least the sides I thought I knew

I can't beg this time
It drags on as I lose my mind
Reminded by things I find
Like notes and clothes you left behind

Wake me up, wake me up when all is done
I won't rise until this battle's won
My dignity's become undone

But I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

So petrified, I'm so scared to step into this ride
What if I lose my heart and fail the climb?
I won't forgive me if I give up trying

I heard his voice today
I didn't know a single word he said
Not one resemblance to the man I met
Just a vacant broken boy instead

But I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I am willing to take the risk

There will be times
We'll try and give it up
Bursting at the seams, no doubt
We'll almost fall apart then burn the pieces
To watch them turn to dust
But nothing will ever taint us

I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I am willing to take the risk

Will he... will he still remember me?
Will he still love me even when he's free?
Or will he go back to the place where he would choose the poison over me?

When we spoke yesterday,
He said to hold my breath and sit and wait
"I'll be home so soon, I won't be late"

He won't go
He can't do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
He's willing to take the risk

So I won't go
He can't do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

Cause he won't go
He can't do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
We're willing to take the risk

I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

And then, if that wasn't more than enough for an emotional basket case like me, there was this more than once today...
Why does it still have to hurt? Why does the pain still have to find me when I think I'm ok? When will it end? I can't have him back. I've fucking accepted it. He's not going to show up on my door step. He's not going to call. He's not going to love me again. I get it! I've accepted it! Why does the pain have to be a sneaky bastard and catch me when I think I'm ok?
I just want to be ok.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

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