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Bits and Pieces

Lots of stuff, nothing cohesive, bit and pieces of my conscious thoughts…

I used the best function of WordPress today – “Save Draft.” I woke up completely exhausted after a very long day on Saturday. It left me emotionally and physically drained. I couldn’t share the experience or my thoughts about everything with the one person I wanted to. Instead I wrote random fiction at midnight before going to sleep.

I tried so hard to cum last night. The moment I touched my g-spot, I remembered one of our first intimate conversations about how to find my g-spot, and I sobbed. I pulled my hands away from my body and curled into a ball, crying into my pillow, the scent of my sex on my hands.

Waking up from that left me a crazy mess. Dark thoughts swirled in my head for a long time. I knew I had to get them out, but I promised that I wouldn’t write about it anymore. I wrote anyway, thinking I’d have to apologize and deal with the consequences. Until “Save Draft” saved me.

I got it all out. Every ugly thought, every sad question, every feeling in my mind. Once it was out of my head, I felt drained but calmer. Still sad, but nothing like before. I could focus again. And I didn’t piss off the one person I’m trying to comfort. Thank you “Save Draft” button.

*****

I put up my Christmas tree today. I spent too many years working retail to really love Christmas. But for my children, I try. I had thought I would be trying harder this year for someone who adores Christmas. Now I’m trying harder for myself, instead.

I think Christmas cookies need to be on next weekend’s agenda.

*****

I lost five pounds this week. A friend pointed out that the grief and depression diet is not actually recommended by doctors, and I should eat instead. I still liked the number on the scale regardless of how I got there – sad but true.

I haven’t worked out in days, but I haven’t had an appetite, either. A diet of sweet tea and dark chocolate probably isn’t a lifestyle change I should embrace, but the sugar and caffeine keep me going.

It’s a process. Eventually, I’ll eat normally again.

*****

I plan on watching the Giants game tomorrow night. Since I don’t know anything about any NFL teams, I have no idea how they’ll do against the Redskins, but after last week’s Giants game, I’m looking forward to this one.

*****

I’ll find out tomorrow or Tuesday if I got the job that I interviewed for last week. I’m already nervous.

If I didn’t, it’s not a complete loss because I have a second interview for ANOTHER job on Thursday. But I really want the first job more.

*****

I’m not sure whether to write or read tonight. Maybe a little bit of both.

*****

These are the things that run through my mind throughout the day – all at the same time. Not at all complex but damn tiring, nonetheless. I’m pretty sure I never stop thinking.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, an opinionated marketer, and speaker. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

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