A Woman Alone

I realized something tonight – I’m a woman alone.

No, no, this isn’t angst about my present condition. My own mood swings and thoughts about that swing like a pendulum, and even I can’t keep up enough to write about it anymore. No, I realized that I am a woman with two small children living alone. For the first time in nearly two years, it freaked me out a little.

Because it makes me feel good, and because I should, I try to take care with the way I dress. I have more confidence when I feel sexy. Today, a little leg action mixed with a little cleavage action, and I strutted my stuff. Until I got home.

I live in a row of townhomes and, for the most part, recognize all my neighbors, even if I don’t know them. Two doors down from me, two men sat in an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway. It didn’t belong to the people who lived there, and I assume they were friends of theirs. I felt them watching me. I watched them watching me.

I wanted to hide away. They did nothing threatening, but the hair on the back of my neck stood up anyway. I projected an air of confidence (making good use of my “don’t fuck with me” attitude) and quickly ushered the boys inside. I wanted to cover up as much as possible, throw a bag over my head, anything to take their attention off of me, to become invisible.

I’m around men all the time, but I can’t remember the last time I realized so clearly that I am a single woman alone in the world. And I have no clue what I would have done if they had approached me. I don’t know how to fight. I don’t own a gun (not that I’d know how to shoot one). I’m sure I would have figured it out, but I am very glad I didn’t have to.

Once inside, I locked the doors tight – deadbolt included – and immediately felt better. My heart rate came down, and I breathed a little easier. I don’t know where that feeling came from or why those men made me feel like that, but sometimes I need to be reminded that I’m a woman alone. It keeps me alert and on my guard – and that’s never a bad thing.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I’ve felt this before. Often I’m acutely aware of my vulnerability as a single woman. There are times I think I almost willingly put myself in dangerous positions so I prove I’m not scared. I don’t want fear to control me, but we are vulnerable.

    • I try not to shy away for that reason, too – I ain’t skeered…that being said, this was tangible…once I was locked in for the night, I almost laughed at my “silliness” but I’m a big believer in my instinct, so I know it wasn’t silly…I didn’t give them the opportunity to approach me, so they didn’t take it…thank God…

  • Often our instincts give us a barometer to the world around us. If our recent history tells us anything, it calls us to be proactive in our lives and by all means to have the concern with a strange car in the neighborhood. Your response is a good one, you felt a possible threat, were cognizant of your emotions and secured your residence, thus your safety was staid. The one consolation here is your felt the threat, I think of the people who cannot sense that threat, and end up victims. And lastly, there are many men who would feel and sense this scenario too, though they would most likely not admit it…..

    • I wonder how many other times I’ve been in a similar position and not realized it…or do I always realize it because I’m very aware of my surrounding? I may never know…

      I recognize that I could end up a statistic, and maybe that makes me more aware…

      The men I’ve known, and admired, probably would not have admitted to realizing the potential danger, but I think they would have reacted…even if only by instinct…

      The men I’ve known and haven’t admired? Well, they were the ones I knew I could never depend on anyway, so it doesn’t really matter…

  • “Mother bear” instincts are amazing. You got your “babies” safe first. It is wonderful! Just being aware of what is around you is the key! Take care!!! Legs & clevage day for sure!

    • The scary thing was that those guys watching me made me want to cover up so bad…I feared for the boys, I feared for myself…ick, what a horrible feeling!

      Thankfully we’re fine and I followed my instincts, as usual…but it was a stark reminder…

  • Your feeling is normal because of the presence of 2 strangers and probably you’re living in a neighborhood that is not considered safe! A woman’s instinct is normally to be on guard against stranger guys.

  • i am a woman who believes in instinct. You felt it and trusted it. You had your babies with you and that boosted the emotions as well. That is never a bad thing. It is time to take a self defense class or visit a savy gun dealer with a shooting range. Personally i would do both. Being a woman alone does not mark you as a target, but lack of dilegence and trusting in your own instincts will mark you as foolish. And nothing about you says Foolish, in fact you are a very wise woman.

  • I hate the reality of this!
    I tend to err on the side of over protective, it’s just my nature. I never walk anywhere without my knife, I always walk against traffic, never walk through the campus at night, I always have an escape plan etc.
    But, it frustrates me that it has to be that way. It frustrates me that as women (and some men too) we are always having to protect ourselves.
    That said, it is never silly to trust your instincts.
    Good for you

    • In certain places, and especially in new places, I am ALWAYS on my guard…I think I’d gotten a little too comfortable around home…yesterday reminded me to never get too comfortable…

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