I'm lying in bed, laptop open, glass of wine in one hand, luxuriating in my own nakedness, contemplating what happens next. Who am I that I can make myself cum for two or more hours?
I am a highly sexual, sensual woman. I can make myself cum in so many ways - a flick of the clit, a stroke of the g-spot, the right words whispered in my ear, a strong pinch of a nipple. I can cum for hours upon hours, my own imagination driving my desire and my hand driving the sensations coursing through my body.
If you saw me on the street, you might never guess. Unless you happened to come across me in an unguarded moment when my mind has wandered. Watch my eyes as I daydream about being dragged by my hair across the room, forced face down upon the bed, and spanked until I scream out my safeword. Watch my body as I imagine spreading my legs wide so that my cunt can be used and pounded. Watch me in those moments when I slip into my head and imagine all the erotic, dirty things I want to have done to me. There she is, there is the sexual wanton lurking beneath me.
Seven months ago, I was afraid of my own clit, afraid of my own cum. I was ashamed that I squirted and gushed, scared that I wanted to taste myself. All these months later, I can force my own orgasms. I can make myself cum with or without toys. I know that I am a sexually submissive woman.
I feel like I should revel in my own sexuality more. I feel like I should focus on who I am as a sexual being instead of the broken heart. The broken heart will be resolved one way or another, and nothing but time will decide. I know how I feel. I hope he feels the same. Only time will tell.
In the meantime, I am capable of amazing things. I have a sexual appetite that most women and many men would be shocked by and jealous of. Instead of feeling sad for what's been lost, I can be hopeful for the future and delight in the present. I am in my sexual prime. I probably give off more pheromones than a bitch in heat. There is power in sexuality, and I simply need to find mine.
A different state of mind is what I need - one that is decidedly sexual and erotic.