Still Learning

I love being His little slut. My body hums with pleasure; my pussy throbs with need.  But I still have plenty to learn.

“Lose the panties at lunch, pet.”

I wore a dress today. Excited, thrilled, nervous – I waited impatiently to take lunch. And then I got called into a meeting for 45 minutes! Didn’t they know that my slut self was allowed to come out and play? Why were they holding this up for me?  Finally! Before I left the office, I stopped by the ladies room, peeled my thong out of my ass, took a picture of my panties in my hand, and shoved them in a pocket in my purse.

For the first time ever – no panties and a dress. I felt cool air hit my labia. I felt open and exposed. My pussy clenched – hard. I went about my lunch hour, worried that I misunderstood what He wanted. Just for my lunch hour? The rest of the day?

I’ve always figured it was better to ask and get the obvious answer than to walk around confused and do something wrong. My Sir answered back very firmly.

“Did I say anything about after lunch? What exactly did I say?”

Gulp. Ah, shit. I should have followed my instincts – lose them means lose them. If He wanted them back on, He’d tell me.

And that was my first reminder today that I have a lot to learn. Not just about navigating our relationship as a submissive, but about how He truly is different from any man I’ve ever known.

I forget that He says exactly what He means. He does not say something just to spare my feelings or make me feel better.

I forget that with Him as my Sir, my need to think much about what He wants or needs goes out the window. He states very clearly what He wants and needs. In time, I will learn His expectations and there may be things He won’t have to tell me, but that will come with proximity. For right now, I don’t have to question, I don’t have to wonder. I just have to listen.

But old habits die hard. I assume if we aren’t talking about something, it’s because it’s been forgotten – I know how busy He is, and I would never expect Him to remember trivial things I’ve said or asked. Wrong again.

I made a request yesterday that He denied. I accepted His answer with grace – I would have been surprised if He had said yes, actually. His next statement was, “We’ll talk about this later, pet.”  I assumed (silly me) that meant later in the day.  Last night, I mentioned it to Him, and He put me in my place, albeit gently.

“When did I say we would talk about this?”

“Later, Sir. But, I thought you might have forgotten about it.”

“I haven’t forgotten but we will talk about it when I want to talk about it. And we will talk about it.”

I have no doubt that He will talk about it at some point. I hope I still remember. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being taught patience.

When I allow myself to let go, stop thinking, and simply accept who He is as a man, life becomes very simple. When I trust in Him, believe in Him, and breathe a little, it all falls into place.

I can’t imagine a life before D/s anymore. I can’t imagine going back to a vanilla relationship. But damn, I still have a lot to learn.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


    • I have no idea how I got this lucky, and I know that’s all it was – pure blind luck that we came across one another at the right time…but after all the shitty relationships I’ve had, I know if it can happen for me, it can happen for anyone!!

  • Am I the only woman alive who never wears panties? Wearing them (I can’t remember the last time I put on a pair outside of play) makes me so much more aware of my nether regions, than not.

    Good post. Those demons are hard to cage, as is the monkey mind.

    • I love pretty panties so unless He decides differently, I can’t imagine never wearing them again…but to not wear them is SO decadent and I love the feeling…and I have the opposite issue…the moment I take off my panties, all I notice is my pussy…and it’s a delicious sensation!

  • I would have a hard time. Allowing someone to be in control to that degree would stretch me. Trust is a huge issue for me. It’s interesting reading your progression.

    • Trust is a big issue for me…and if I let myself think too much about how easy it was to trust Him, I’ll freak myself out. But I do…and it goes deeper than the trust I thought I’ve had in people in the past – which is what makes all the difference…

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