I haven’t talked much about *gestures wildly at the world* but I don’t have to. We’re all living the reality together. Our lives and even relationships have been upended, and there’s no end in sight. If you’re fortunate to be with your partner, you might find yourself with a serious lack of privacy or money and a lot of extra stress. For me, kink helps center me and reduce my stress. If it does that for you, or you’re just itching to take your mind off the world, now may be the time to get kinky in new ways.
Where should you start? I’ve got a few ideas.
Try That Thing You’ve Always Talked About
Assuming you have time, privacy, and/or money, try that kinky thing you keep talking about but still haven’t done. If you have extra cash, buy the gear you’ve been eyeing. A lot of retailers are offering sales, so take advantage if it’s an option. But pervertibles are a thing, so don’t feel like you have to buy something new. The last new thing John Brownstone and I tried was wax play. We’re still working to find the right candles. (We started with some random ones from a sex toy company we’d had in our closet for ages). Even if it doesn’t become our thing, we can cross it off our to-be-tried list.
Do a BDSM Yes/No/Maybe List
This is a list of kinky activities, and you indicate yes, no, or maybe about whether you want to try it. If you’ve never done one before, you’ll likely discover kinks you didn’t know existed. This then leads to the next thing (bonus tip): research new kinks. But if you’ve gone through a BDSM list before, and it’s been a while, this could be an update. I know there are things I once said I’d “never” do that I totally do now (like bondage). Partly because I know myself better as a kinkster and partly because John Brownstone and I trust each other more, which is necessary for kinky experimentation.
Note: You can easily Google these lists, but if you subscribe to the Loving BDSM newsletter, you can get a 7-page checklist that we’ve put together.
Turn a Traditionally Non-Kinky Thing Kinky
Anything can be kinked up, y’all. Especially if you look at activities (sexual or not) through the lens of power exchange. John Brownstone once gave me what was probably the closest thing to a tantric massage that I’ve ever experienced, and it was the softest, most sensual kinky experience of my life. How? He told me I couldn’t move (honor bondage). Then he told me I couldn’t orgasm (orgasm control). And he decided when, where, and how long he touched me (pure dominance). It was the sexiest, most delicious massage of my life.
Play the Quiet Game
This is for those of you who are cooped up with kids, roommates, other adults, and privacy is long gone. How quiet can you be while you get kinky? John Brownstone has figured out evil ways to smack my butt without making a lot of noise. Which is good because our walls are paper-thin. His inner-sadist loves to tease and torment me, knowing I’ll want to make noise, and then whispering in that evil way, “You know you have to be quiet.” We’re getting a kinky activity in (even if it’s just for a few minutes) while also swimming in our power exchange.
Do Your Kink in Plain Sight
No, I’m not talking about crossing boundaries and outing yourself to whoever else lives in your house. This is about mindset and the mental aspect of kink, assuming that’s your thing. John Brownstone loves to snap a towel at my ass when I’m being sassy, especially in the kitchen. He’s “spanking” me (and it fucking hurts!), and he’s exerting control. We know it’s a D/s thing, but the kids have no clue. I also have little routines (like making his coffee or turning down the bed at night) that help me feel submissive but don’t raise eyebrows to anyone else.
Getting kinky offers a lot of opportunities for creative thinking and using your imagination. Not all kinks have to be physical, loud, or the same thing you always do. Being cooped up at home (especially right now) sucks, but this might be the time to explore new sides of your kinky selves. Re-think what’s possible. Look around for moments in life and pervertibles in your house, and give your kinky imagination free reign.
Post sponsored by London Tantric
Great kink ideas!! I love them! My DD and I work at the same place. We have devised ways of power exchange that don’t trigger suspicion from anyone else. Such a turn on!!