Every day John Brownstone surprises me. Astounds me, really.
His patience, his goodness, his ability to let the insanity of life seemingly roll off his shoulders. I know some of the stories of his childhood. He should have so many more issues to deal with.
Not that he hasn’t dealt with his past. But while I’m a blob on a therapist’s couch spitting out fears and anxieties, he discusses his past and how he feels about it calmly — with clear determination not to let the past repeat itself. After one conversation, my therapist proclaimed him “fine” — no, that isn’t a technical term, but after one conversation with me, we set more appointments.
I benefit from the goodness of John Brownstone every single day.
When, like today, my mental health takes a nose dive, he’s a calm port in the storm. I can rage against the noise in my head and he sits still, waiting for the tidal wave of my emotions to recede again. To remind me that it will be okay. To give me sweet treats and help…whatever I might need to hang on a few more moments.
When life goes topsy-turvy, he’s indulgent. When I desperately need a firm hand, he provides that, too.
How he manages to be so patient in a world that’s so fucking noisy, chaotic, and uncertain, I’ll never know. But I’m glad I benefit from that patience. I’m amazed that he’s been the good influence on me rather than the opposite being true. I could have brought him down into my anxiety or despair (at least, that’s what my lying brain tells me). But he brings me up into a calmer space, where we can talk through things, sometimes finding a new way to think about them, sometimes finding a solution.
His well of patience is a direct contrast to my lack…in so many ways. Take bondage as just one small example. He can spend hours tying himself, tying me, practicing, organizing his rope. Five minutes of being tied up and I’m twitchy, moving, offering to help, shifting from side to side. Sure, I might do it for the light smack and the quiet, “Be still, babygirl.” But it’s also the perfect illustration of how we differ.
I am surrounded by the patience of a good man, and it’s the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me.
This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is “astonish.” After a long day of dealing with the depression side of a bipolar swing and the chaos and reality of being the parent of a teenager, this is all my tired brain can focus on. But John Brownstone is always worth the extra attention.
A familiar story, I feel just as lucky.
Such a blessing to find an anchor in the storm that is our lovely (usually not) minds. Astonishment is almost too mild a word if your mental states get as wild as mine do. As always, a fantastic read! Thanks for sharing a little bit of yourself … and JB with us 🙂
I can relate so much to this, Cuiplash is the most steady and patient person I know, and he also has old reasons to waver. It makes me feel safe and secure, and very very blessed. I’m so glad you have the same. Many hugs xx
Feeling safe and secure has been a total blessing. I don’t think I could do the things I do without that.
It’s lovely to have such a patient man at your side, isn’t it? 😊
We probably wouldn’t be able to do the things we do without them. 🙂
Patience is indeed a blessing – a fab virtue that I do not posses but love it in others – lucky JB is like that – the yin to your yang
Thank goodness I have him!
Very similar story here. He is always the calm to my more stormy self
I don’t doubt it at all.
This is sweet and heartwarming.
I love this Kayla, I have to admit seeing JB in action last year at Eroticon and can see how he has that calming effect on you. xx
Thank you. Oh yes, it’s VERY obvious when he’s near me, lol.
I think we all need someone like that in our lives. I definitely feel the calm from HL. I am sorry to hear that you have been having a rough time, but am glad that you have your own calm port in the storm. 🙂
I am grateful every day for him, that’s for sure.
This is such a lovely, heartwarming post! Great picture too. Thanks for sharing! 😉
Thank you so much!