This Clit Won’t Clamp

When I received the Sensation Beaded Clitoral Clamp from TooTimid (in exchange for an honest review), I was of two minds.

Either, it wouldn’t do much and might even break. It is, after all, a Fifty Shades Darker product. As a kinkster who buys crops from a tack shop and married a guy who makes paddles, I can be a bit snobbish about my kinky fuckery toys. (It’s not a good look on me, I know).

Or it would hurt so bad I wouldn’t get any pleasure from it and would beg John Brownstone to take it off.

It was that second fear that took over the night we tried it.

“Get naked girl. It’s time to play.”

I admit I was a bit shaky. What would this feel like? Would I be able to handle it?

“Uh, how do you want me on the bed, Daddy?”

When I get nervous, the thinking part of my brain sometimes shuts down.

“Silly girl. On your back, of course, legs spread.”

Oh. Right.

On my back, legs spread, I waited. And chattered nervously.

“Whatcha doin’ Daddy? Are you sure we need to do this? What if I can’t handle it?”

He smirked.

I screamed as his finger grazed my clit with lube. (We’d read the instructions, you see. “Lube the clit.” Got it.)

“I barely touched you.”

Yeah, I knew that.

He knelt down between my legs. I closed my thighs around his hand.

“I’m not doing anything yet!” Exasperated is too mild a term for his tone. “I know what you need.”

A thumb on my clit, and a finger against my labia. Oh, yes, that felt good. More of that, please.

One small shuddery orgasm later…

“Roll over, babygirl.”

Apparently, I’d rolled over to my side in the rush of getting off. I spread my legs wide. He started from above my clit. Then came up from below, the top of his head rising over the horizon of my vulva. I felt cool metal pressed against my skin.

Lying back, I pressed my hands against my face and chanted, “Please don’t hurt. Please don’t hurt. Please don’t hurt.”

“Uhhh, babygirl. I don’t think that will be a problem.”

The metal being pressed against my clit felt kind of good, but I felt nothing else.

“Is it on?”

Holding up the clit clamp, he waved it in the air. “Uh, no.”

Of course not. I felt no pinch, clamp, or any sensation in my clitoris. (Like I said earlier, the brain stops working when nerves hit.)

“Babygirl, I don’t think this thing is going on.”

I whined a bit. Now that my chances of being clamped were diminishing, I was much less afraid.

“One more try. It’s a toy review, after all!”

I spread my legs as wide as they would go, held my labia open for him — feeling about as exposed as I ever have — and waited.

Nope.

“Your clit is too small. I can’t ‘hook’ the top of the clamp over it from the back like the instructions say.”

For all my bellowing earlier, I was disappointed. What do you mean it didn’t work on me? Is something wrong with my clit?

“How can something so damn sensitive be so damn small?”

John Brownstone shrugged and said, “Yeah, but that sensitivity is great. Who cares if you can’t wear a clitoral clamp?”

And that’s why I love him.

A Non-Review of the Just Sensation Beaded Clitoral Clamp

So why write a “review” of a toy I didn’t actually get to use?

Well, to show that not all toys will work just because you want them to. If you happen to have a small clitoris or extremely fleshy vulva (or both, like I do), you might run into the same problems. Wanting the kinky fuckery doesn’t mean I get to have it. The body doesn’t always cooperate.

For those who aren’t familiar with clit clamps, this one isn’t like a nipple clamp with pinchers that squeeze your flesh. Although, I’m sure clit clamps like that exist. It’s a rounded loop that “hooks” over your clit. No good for me, but maybe for someone else.

What I can say is that it had a solid but not heavyweight to it, and it’s very pretty. If your clit can be clamped in this way or you think it can because your clit protrudes – either when aroused or not — it might be one to consider. I’m not making a judgment either way. Simply sharing the reality of using toys — they don’t work for everyone.

If you’re curious or think it might work for you, have a look: Fifty Shades Darker Just Sensation Beaded Clitoral Clamp