When Shit Happens in Your BDSM Scene

And no, I don’t mean scat, y’all.

I cannot count how many times I’ve imagined a moment in my head, lived the reality, and walked away completely disappointed. It happens to all of us, all the time.  In my mind, a thing I really want will be all sunshine and roses. But the reality? More like baby vomit and cat pee.

So imagine the annoyance, worry, horror, fear, and/or sadness when not only does the fantasy not match up with reality (because it almost never does) but something goes genuinely wrong. While that happens in every type of situation to every person on the planet, I’m talking about BDSM scenes…when good ones go bad, wrong, or just FUBAR’ed (fucked up beyond all recognition).

It happens to everyone. I’ve had panic attacks in the middle of rough sex, muscle cramps in the middle of impact play, and dizziness and loss of circulation in a bondage scene. And that was after we took every precaution before we started.

I hope everyone’s BDSM scene goes according to plan every time. But I also live in the real world, and I know shit happens. John Brownstone and I are talking about that this week on Loving BDSM.

From the show:

  • Check out our Redbubble shop for Loving BDSM merchandise especially if “Coffee is your love language!”
  • Not every BDSM scene will go according to plan.
  • Prevention is the best medicine – enthusiastic and informed consent, being honest about limits, emotional triggers.
  • Even with best intentions, things can still go wrong. Don’t panic. Remain calm.
  • Check on each other.
  • Talk about what happened.
  • If you feel up for it, keep going or try again later.
  • You’re not a failure if your kinky idea didn’t go the way you expect it to.

Listen to the show:


Google Play

Or click the button below…

Loving BDSM podcast logo

Image via Giphy

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.