For some submissives part of the allure of a D/s relationship is the idea that (for once) we can let go, give someone else control, and even if for just a brief moment, not be in charge. So imagine the surprise you might feel if you want to try D/s with a partner who doesn’t even know if they want to be a Dominant yet. To even start down the path of exploration, submissives often have to take control of the situation.
Which can lead to frustration and a “What am I even doing?” kind of feeling. When a submissive asks how they can get their partner to dominate them without feeling like they’re controlling the situation, it’s not always an easy fix. Sometimes you have to make sure your partner really does want to be your Dominant. Other times, it’s more about re-thinking how you view the situation.
Most of the time, you’re not taking control. Instead, you’re serving your Dominant by telling them what you need. You’re communicating fully and honestly without holding back. You’re helping your partner by sharing the resources you’ve used to learn more about Dominance and submission or kink. It’s amazing how a quick reframing of the situation in your mind can change how you feel about it.
Of course, this assumes your partner is a willing and full participant in the exploration of kink and D/s, too.
With all of this in mind, John Brownstone and I discuss submissive lead transitions to kinky relationships in this week’s Loving BDSM podcast. As with all things, there is no one right way and it won’t always go the way you think it will.
From the show:
- Enter our 2 Year Anniversary giveaway!
- What does it mean when the submissive leads the transition to D/s
- Leading is not topping from the bottom
- You must be patient
- Consider the way you share information, point in the right direction, and communicate as a way of serving your Dom
- Not every relationship is meant to transition. Your partner might not be a Dominant or want to go in that path.
Listen to the show:
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