But First, Orgasms #MasturbationMonday

Monday morning. It’s dark. It’s cold. The sheets are thrown back, practically begging me to climb under them again. A new week has begun, and all I want to do is hide until it’s over.

I could get to work. I could take a shower. Or I could do anything other than what I should be doing.

That sounds like a good idea.

Hmmm…

Drink another cup of coffee? No, I may never blink again.

Scroll through social media and my news apps? Only if I’m enjoying the chronic stress.

Think about all the things I should be doing instead? No one needs that kind of guilt in their lives.

What could I do? Think, think, think.

Oh! Ha! Of course. It’s all so simple. The perfect solution. If you tilt your head, squint, and pretend reality is something other than what it is, some might even consider it productive.

Look at that, productivity in the strangest of places. Well, maybe not strangest place…that particular geographic location was pretty productive a few years ago, around 12 and 8 years ago actually.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the solution to my I-don’t-wanna-do-a-fucking-thing problem.

When coffee and mindless scrolling just won’t do, what’s left?

Orgasms.

I hope, dear reader, you are not shocked by this revelation.

Wet, squishy, gushy orgasms. Muscle clenching, toe curling, spine tingling orgasms. The kind that make me wish I was being fucked while I come because my cunt keeps squeezing and gripping nothing but itself. Delicious, if you think about it, but a thick, stiff cock (real or otherwise) buried deep is much more satisfying.

Musky orgasms. Sticky orgasms. Make the bed smell debauched orgasms. The kind of orgasms that make people sniff the air and say, “What is that aroma?” and then squirm for some “unknown” reason. But I know, and so do you.

A single orgasm. A few more orgasms. Multiple orgasms that force me to bite my lip, my hand, my arm, the pillow to stop the screams. Seven in the morning seems a little early for the neighbors to call the police for what sounds (to them) like a murder on the other side of the wall.

Did I eventually get out of bed, start my day, and force a little bit of productivity? Eventually.

But first, orgasms.

Image credit: Tumblr

Welcome to Masturbation Monday! It’s not often that I celebrate the day in the literal sense, but today was my lucky day. Not a lot of sleep, even less energy, and no desire to do a damn thing today so I found something better to do – myself. Okay, y’all, now go forth and read more smutty goodness that will (hopefully) inspire your own orgasms.