A million years ago (give or take), I wrote an article about the different types of submissive a kinky person could choose to be. Of course, it wasn’t an exhaustive list, and I don’t think I talked much about how you can be part of this (little) and part of that (kitten) or any combination you might want to be. I’m better about that now.
I don’t always get a ton of response from things I write, but this time, it was sort of swift and vehement. Someone was downright offended that I talked about labels and felt I was advocating that people label themselves as only one specific type of submissive.
Wait, what? Hold the phone. Not at all. I think people should be whatever works for them. The only rules I think are mandatory in BDSM are that everyone play safe, be aware of risks, and always, always have consent. The rest? That’s up to you as a kinky individual.
However, I do think – and I told this person – that in learning about BDSM and kink, you should have an idea of what’s out there, what things are called, and how people label themselves. You can’t (okay, you shouldn’t) reject something without knowing about it first. And, until now, that was the last time I talked specifically about labels.
But a listener recently asked a good question – how the hell do I figure out what kind of kinkster I am and how do I figure out what all these labels mean? No one should be shocked that I have a few thoughts about this. So here I am, discussing labels again, but (I think) in a more nuanced way because I know more now than I did before.
In other news, John Brownstone has wooden paddles (handmade weapons of ass destruction) for sale on my website!! Woohoo!! Want a bright red mark that covers both ass cheeks? Want hear someone scream like they hate you even though they love it? Yeah, these will do the trick. These paddles are nearly identical to the one he made for us to play with, so I’m telling you, they bring both the sting AND the thud. Click this link to take a look ===> Weapons of Ass Destruction
From the show:
- A listener asked about labels and how to figure out what kind of kinkster she might be.
- I’ve written about labels before for Kinkly, and people definitely have their own opinions about them.
- You can take a (not-at-all scientific) online test to learn more about your kinky desires.
- I’ve taken it and it seemed accurate. Don’t take the results as absolute fact, but use them to explore parts of your kinky nature you might not have been aware of.
- Labels are good for learning about kink and finding like-minded people, but everyone has their own definition of what a “type” of kinkster is: Master vs Dominant, slave vs submissive, littles, kittens, etc.
- Feel free to use as many labels as you want to describe yourself. I’m a submissive, babygirl, masochist, and whatever the hell else I want to be later.
- While using specific labels to find like-minded kinksters is one way to find your community, don’t reject other types of kinksters because they don’t fall into your category or group. We all have something to learn from one another, no matter how we experience D/s.
- Some people are very rigid about what a label means or how people who classify themselves should act. Watch out for that.
- You can reject a label or the use of labels if that feels right for you.
- I even ramble for a few minutes in the bonus section.
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