There’s a lot of talk about give and take in the world of dominance and submission (D/s), a yin and yang of sexual pleasures. In a strong pairing of Dominant and submissive, the two complement each other – sometimes naturally with little effort and sometimes after a great deal of communication and work. Most of what I read is sexual in nature – the fitting of kinky preferences like a key into a lock.
If you’re reading this now, I’m either driving my Daddy to the airport or he’s already gone. And I am sad – very sad. While our sexual preferences pair well, we’ve also discovered new desires in our time together. But after a week together, the give and take on my mind is in no way sexual.
I’ve spent most of my adult life – even while I was married – taking care of things on my own. I am the laundry-folder, dinner-cooker, child-bather, lunch-packer, nose-wiper, hug-giver, and a lot of other hyphenated things. I never have been good at requesting help, and I’m even worse at accepting assistance. Daddy doesn’t give me much choice, though.
Every time I ask or he offers to help with some small (or very big thing), I apologize or worry that I’m asking too much. He, in turn, gives me “The Look” that all Dominants seem to know – the look is right up there with the voice they all seem to have, too. I blink, nod, and do as I’m told.
Yes, he’s my Dominant, and he’s in control; his word is final. He drives the train, but like any good relationship – vanilla or kinky – we work together to get to where we want to go. I enjoy taking care of him – rubbing his back, cooking and serving his meals, making his coffee, and a million other mundane things. I seek out his opinion and advice, sometimes plaintively begging for him to tell me what to do. In turn, he takes care of me in his own way – babysitting me after my wisdom teeth were pulled (true story), cleaning gooey sap off my car, stirring the pot of yummy goodness that ended up being dinner. I’m not a good enough writer to explain what he does for me and what I try to do for him. I could list everything, but no one wants to read that.
The D/s part of who we are gives him as much control as he wants to take (and I want him to take as much as he can). But as in any relationship (regardless of kink), we have to work together in order to survive. Our success depends on giving and taking.