Shifting My Focus

It’s funny (in a not so funny kind of way) how life can change, or at the very least how your perspective on life can change.

Today I learned that I will be given the opportunity to renegotiate my salary within the next two weeks. And just like that, my priorities in life changed. Well, my priorities in life haven’t changed in 7 years, 7 months, and 24 days. That’s how long I’ve been a mother, in case you were wondering.

My focus changed, though, and in a hurry.

With a new boss and changes happening for me professionally, I’ve been mulling over what to do with myself. I’m about to be given an opportunity to make a decent living in a field that I’m damn good in. This is a time to focus on my career – not my love life, or lack thereof. I’m right where I’m supposed to be, I think – regardless of how much I’d love to pick up and leave for a new place and a fresh start.

It’s time to think about my professional future and let my personal future lie for a bit. I think it’s time to position myself for the next step in my career and stop worrying about who wants my heart – and who doesn’t want it.

I have allowed good people into my life, and they all bring something different. I need to enjoy what I have and worry less about what I don’t have. My career can be my focus and the rest can be fun. I want to derive pleasure where I can, enjoying the people who want to be with me while they’re willing to be in my life. I know nothing’s permanent.

At the end of the day, I know what I want and need, and I know it’s something infinitely rare. I’ve resigned myself to the idea that I will most likely be a single mother for a long time, but I know what I want, and I won’t compromise.

I want a strong, compassionate, communicative Dominant man who is willing to be a father to two little boys and will respect my need for a career. I want the man who wins my submission. There’s no laundry list of traits he must possess. I know how love works. The universe takes all of the things you think you have to have and laughs in your face. But I won’t settle for less than that.

Yet…I’m not worried about that. My focus is professional. My focus is getting paid what I should be paid. My focus is adding a few more lines to my resume. My focus is getting myself ready for the next step in my career.

The rest can wait. Personally, I’m going to enjoy what I’ve managed to create for myself. Professionally, I’m going to show the world I’m a force to be reckoned with.

I feel like I’m finally waking up from an impossibly deep slumber.