You worry about me at a time when I am supposed to be in the background. I hurt for You because I can sense the stress that causes. You feel bad that our connection has frayed a bit, simply by circumstances beyond our control.
You’ve lost temporary control over parts of Your life. I can feel the lion within You pacing and growling in impatience. You focus on what’s right in front of You, then feel bad for “neglecting” other facets of Your life. I would do anything to help You realize that You’ve neglected nothing, certainly not me. Those who loved You before this still love You now and will welcome Your return to Your “normal” life with open arms.
I sense the weariness emanating from your very pores. You need rest. You need comfort. You need control. To be the softness in the dark that You reach for, the willing vessel for every want and need, that is my deepest desire. In that way, I can help ease the weariness.
If I could give You anything right now, it would be the opportunity to release the stress simmering below the surface, the stress pops and sizzles with mounting pressure. I wonder if the Sensual Sadist within You was allowed to come out in all His glory how You might feel after. If You could tire Your arm out wielding a paddle or if You felt a burning in Your palm from countless smacks, would the external forces crushing You now seem less burdensome? Would Your mind feel clear again?
You allow me to glimpse this vulnerable side every so often. I wonder if anyone else senses it. I doubt it. You believe You have to be strong for everyone. Maybe You do, but not for me. I know You’re a lion. I know You’re fierce and strong. Showing the other side of You does not make You weak; it simply makes You human.
The day will come, in its own time, incapable of being rushed simply by desire, when we will be together again. I pray that You will use me to relieve the pressure, find comfort, and finally, rest.
I think it speaks to the depth of your relationship that you would want to offer something like this to bring him comfort. Hopefully things calm down for him.
I can only hope so…I’m not sure if it’s simply the submissive part of my nature or if it’s just the depth of my emotions, but the need to offer comfort is almost a compulsion…if I was a different type of person, I would be on His doorstep right now, consequences to my “real” life be damned…
Beautiful and he knows Kayla, he knows! You are amazing & so blessed! Hugs
I’ve always been the talkative one in a relationship, the one willing to discuss feelings…this is no different…I go on a lot of trust and faith in Him that I know Him well enough to guess correctly…
If I didn’t see your name on this I’d swear I wrote it, once upon a time.
Glad I’m not the only one…
the Dom-Master-Loving Dominant. I never found him. Realistically I don;’t expect the perfection portrayed in the essays but the one I thought was that was in reality not. A skilled conning manipulator who had a roadmap handed to him by me. . I loved him, he didn’t care about me, but kept me dangling for the devotion I gave him anyway. A very painful, too-long experience. . . subsequent attempts towards finding a right Dom after that have been false starts at best or just laughable . .one claimed to be a chef, but was a couch surfing pothead who invited himself for the weekend before even meeting haha. . . So I think it’s just not happening for me. I’ve gotten too old now. . but I relive the joys I felt, through your writing.
I hate that you’ve given up finding the right person…He’s out there – some where…but that might just be my hopeful idealistic self talking…
I think he IS out there — but as someone else’s Dom hahahaa
I was so fresh and naive at my beginning– I thought I’d just go out get me one of those ‘perfect’ guys, just like that…haha. Actually later I talked to the author of the first essay–he said I was not ready for him yet– but he was right, at the time.
i wrote a long reply, i think it got erased.. about the Dom-Master-Loving Dominant thing
I read it – if it was the one posted within the past day or so…