I’ve only been learning to masturbate for a few weeks, and my mind is already moving past my hand.  I’m curious about toys, dildos, vibrators, you name it.  But I’m also extremely shy and uncertain.

Anything realistic-looking would probably creep me out.

Anything brightly colored and odd-shaped would probably confuse me.  I’m not the most technical or mechanical person, and the last thing I want to have to do is call the customer service line for a sex toy company and ask how the damn thing is supposed to work.

And how do I discreetly hide it from my children?  Little boys who can find anything, anywhere, anytime – except their own shoes three feet away from them?

What if the sensations are too intense and I lose all ground that I’ve gained?  I’m just now learning how to relax enough to come.  What if I screw myself up?

I have a need that I can’t really describe and eventually, my clumsy ministrations aren’t going to be enough.  I already make myself come 5-6 nights a week, sometimes multiple times.  Could I be addicted?  Oh God, I don’t want to be a masturbation-addict!  That is not the conversation I want to have with the therapist that I will probably one day need.

Or I could just say fuck it all, and buy the some neon-hued monstrosity that only a female water buffalo could handle. Hmmm…something to consider…

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


    • I find it amusing too…especially since I’m not the most technical person, and I promise, I will do it wrong the first time…and I’ll be calling tech support…lol

  • My first toy was a baster. I wouldn’t suggest it. If you want something extremely discrete you can get KY simulators that fit over your finger. other than that a bullet would be a
    good first. It is easy to control. Choose one with multiple speeds and intervals, not just fast and.faster.

    As far as being an addict I wouldn’t worry about that just yet. Enjoy exploring your body.

  • Ok… I started masturbating very young… 6th grade, for sure. Maybe before. So, for the novice, my advise may not be great, as that was a long time ago… That being said, I remember an electric tooth brush that I loved! I would recommend the Hitachi Magic Wand to anyone (I even wrote a post specifically about it): man, woman, novice, expert… it may be a little intense, but nothing compares. It is well worth the investment.

    • This is almost a final frontier for me in terms of masturbation…part of me wishes I could wait for my guy to be with me, but then I think that’s a cop out I’m using to avoid it because it makes me nervous…when I said I’m not technical, that’s the damn truth…but also because there’s that little voice in my head that asks, “What if you can’t handle the intensity?” Maybe it’s just that it’s too soon…or maybe that’s other excuse…/sigh…who knew something so simple could be made so complicated?

      • Honey, like I said, I’ve been masturbating for almost 20 years… and sometimes I still think it’s too intense. That’s what makes it great. You, at times, can push your own limits, push yourself past where you thought you could go.and then you are like “holy shit! Did that just happen?” Forced orgasms, even alone, are fan-fucking-tastic! (Please excuse my foul mouth).

        • Those moments, when I push myself, make me laugh uncontrollably – with joy, I think…I could just be crazy, but I’m going to go with joy…

          I love a foul mouth, so no worries…

          I’m getting there, slowly but surely…upping the intensity will happen, I can feel myself moving in that direction…but if I didn’t question, worry, and dissect it incessantly first, I wouldn’t be me…lol

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