While a lot of people experience kink, Dominance and submission, and other aspects of BDSM with someone they’re in a relationship with, it’s not the only way to do it. More kinksters than you realize hire sex workers to help them learn and give them an experience they crave. And no, it’s not just single people who do it. Couples work with sex workers to help them fulfill their threesome and other kinky fantasies, too.
If you decide to go that route and hire a sex worker, all the basic rules of BDSM and D/s still apply. Yes, they’re professionals and yes, you’re paying for their service, time, and effort. But how you treat people ought to be universal especially when you get your kink on.
Consent Still Matters
Just because you hire a sex worker doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to consent to what you’re proposing. Some may have a list of specific services they provide, and others may be more open and flexible. But all kinky services can and should be negotiated and consented to — by everyone. This means you’re going to have to open up, say what you want, and also listen to the person you’re hiring to give you this experience.
And, most importantly, it also means that everyone can withdraw consent at any point. Never be that douche who spouts something like, “You have to do what I want because I’m paying you, and I’m the customer!” Gross. Abusive. Douche-baggery.
Boundaries and Limits Matter, Too
During your negotiations, everyone’s boundaries and limits should be discussed and respected. If you want a kinky experience that this person does not provide, either adjust your request or hire someone who can give you what you want. Like above, the absolute worst thing you can do is expect a sex worker to provide a service simply because you’re paying for it.
Working with professional sex workers who provide kink and BDSM experiences isn’t that different than what you experience with a partner. It should be respectful, consensual, and a good experience for everyone involved.
Try to Relax and Open Up
This one is hard for most people, even when you’ve known your kinky partner for years and you’re married to them. Trying new kinks and experiences can be overwhelming. Don’t be afraid to let your real feelings show. Tears, ecstasy, and even not liking it are all okay.
You’re not being judged by anyone. Your partner is a professional so they’ve likely experienced a range of emotions and reactions. And the very best want you to have a good experience with them. So try not to hold back, let yourself relax into the experience, and don’t worry so much about whether you’re having the “right” reaction. As long as you respect consent, boundaries, and limits, you’re fine.
Never Forget Safety
As part of negotiating your kinky scene, don’t neglect the conversation about safety. What words or signals will be used to indicate you need to stop? Yes, safewords can be used, but don’t forget safety gestures (especially if someone is gagged) and checking in.
If you’re topping your partner, make sure to check in. Ask “Is this okay?” and “Should I keep going?” from time to time. It’s something tops and Dominants should do as a rule. But if you’re trying something new to you, definitely do it, even if you expect your partner to speak up because they’re the professional.
If you’re the bottom in the scene, ask what methods they use to check in. And never be afraid to speak up if something doesn’t feel good or right. Your experience is supposed to be about your pleasure, and you’re paying for a good scene. Your partner will want to know if something isn’t right.
If the best and safest way for you to have a kinky experience is to hire a sex worker, there’s no shame in it. It can be a great way to learn. All you need to remember is that they’re a person just like you and want, need, and deserve respect.
This post is sponsored by Cleos on Nile Brothel.
