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This week’s episode of the Loving BDSM podcast was a strange one for us. We chose a topic that had been on our list for a while – equality in D/s relationships – but both John Brownstone and I came at the topic from different perspectives. To make it even more interesting, I developed my thoughts as I spoke instead of walking into the episode with a clearly defined viewpoint (not something that happens very often).
People should be equal at all times – but anyone paying attention knows that’s not always the case. But what about in D/s where there is the appearance of inequality? For those on the outside looking in, it definitely looks like one side has more, gets more, and is treated “better” (assuming that’s how you define inequality). For those of us on the inside of the dynamic, it’s different. Isn’t it?
As we talked about the topic (and neither of us thinks we have all the answers), I honed in on the idea of balance. Some form of balance must be inherent in D/s – two sides of the same coin, a yin and yang kind of thing. John Brownstone looks at it differently than I do, but I think our ultimate point is the same – it’s got to work for both people involved.
Anyway, have a listen and see what you think. Our thoughts on this are still developing, and I think (for us) it’s because we’ve never questioned our equality – to each other or anyone else. If you’ve been in a position to experience inequality, you might have different views.
From the show:
- The 100th episode giveaway has ended. The winner will be announced (with their permission) next week.
- Kayla’s random lube giveaway is still going on!
- Are D/s relationships equal?
- Should we call it equality or balance?
- Why balance matters (according to Kayla)
- What equal or balanced looks like in your D/s relationship is unique to you
- Both D and s should get something positive from the exchange – call it balance or equality or whatever you’d like
- When a relationship is no longer equal or balanced, you have to talk about it. A small change might be enough or it may be time for something more drastic.
Listen to the show:
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