I need to explore something, and it’s not a fully developed thought so be patient with this.
I’m not into the idea of Daddy/little girl relationships, for a few reasons, which I think may be stereotypes, but hear me out. I have no desire for age play. I have no desire to call someone Daddy. I have no desire to wear my hair in pigtails for any reason. And Hello Kitty just annoys me.
Ok, yes, for anyone who’s done the DD/lg thing, those are stereotypes, and I know that. But that’s my only real experience with the dynamic.
But…I have a little girl side that seems to ebb and flow.
When I stamp my foot, throw my temper tantrum, and heave big sobs, that’s my little girl.
When I giggle (which is different than my big, boisterous laugh) at something humorous, that’s my little girl.
When I feel warm inside at the idea of protection, care, and guidance, that’s my little girl.
When I blush, that’s her, too.
When I pout, that’s my little girl. Y’all, I’m not a pouter as a rule. I get mad. I don’t like what happens. I think life is unfair sometimes. But recently I had an experience where I was asked to do something I did not want to do, it took 10 minutes, and my lower lip jutted out the entire time. Add to the mix that it was an older man who put me in the situation, and I finally felt a couple of synapses connect – I have a complete little girl side to my personality.
The idealistic, hopeful side that I have been teased about over the years is my little girl, too. The part of me that thinks anything is possible if you believe enough and try hard enough is a little girl who wants a happy ending not just for me but for the world. No worries, the grown woman knows better.
How do I get in touch with that side in the D/s dynamic? I don’t know. I don’t know enough about that dynamic to say. Would I be open to it (one day, a long long long looooooong time from now)? I guess that depends. Would I have to call him Daddy, own Hello Kitty paraphernalia, and wear my hair in pigtails? If the answer is no, well, I guess my answer is maybe.
I would like to explore this side of myself. I like the idea of being someone’s “little” – at least in theory. But I still want pain in my pleasure. I still want to be forced to suck a cock. I still want the rougher side of things. I need the rougher side of things. I need to be used until I have nothing left to give. Oh, but the thought of being gathered up in protective arms, listening to soothing words, and being babied a bit – yeah, that gets me wet and tingly.
She keeps peeking out, wreaking a little havoc on my life (the emotional outbursts have felt like little girl moments in retrospect), and stirring something in me that I don’t understand. If someone knows a way to let her out in a D/s sense, let me know. Teach me. Share with me. Because if I don’t find an outlet for her or figure out how she fits in with my sexual desires, it’s going to get a lot worse before it ever gets better.