Emotions

I Get Angry

I am not the type of person to show anger. I don't like confrontation and growing up, I learned showing anger leads to that every time.

Today, I got angry. The powers-that-be blatantly lied to several of us on staff. There was nothing we could do but sit there and realize that they were lying and we were powerless against them.

When one co-worker was accused of speaking on behalf of the rest of us without our consent, I finally found my voice. It didn't matter but I know they don't expect it from me, and they were surprised. They realized this wasn't one disgruntled employee, they finally got that we were all unhappy. It didn't matter.

I shook and trembled. Tears came to my eyes. My body language screamed, "Fuck with me. I dare you to." But I was powerless.

I'm easy to please. Don't lie to me. That's it. I don't have to like what you say, but I can accept an honest answer.

I walked away from the meeting seething, trembling, and in physical pain from holding the emotions at bay. But I did the one thing I never do. I found my voice and I spoke up. I made my position known, consequences be damned.

The aftermath caused physical pain that eight hours later I still feel. It can't be good to have the same headache for 36 hours.

My point is that I allowed myself to feel anger. And I found my voice. I walked away feeling powerless, but in some ways, I gained power today. Because I finally got angry.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I’m also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

21 Comments

  • There are times when one must find their voice and you did, hooray for you. It truly can be a shock when it happens but form what you say well warranted. Now the headache, relax, unwind, maybe a glass of wine or chamomile tea.

    • The tea is probably the better option…the bottle of skinny girl margarita sitting in my fridge was the final selection…if nothing else, I’ll sleep tonight with a little tequila in my system…and maybe the headache will go away…or at least stop being a stress headache…lol

  • SS is right. You have to push back when it gets too bad. It is good that every worker there feels the same. These idiots don’t know what a gem they have working for them. Or slaving for them.

    • Thank you. It shocked the hell out of everyone in the room…I’m usually the laid back one assuring everyone that it’s ok…our President sent me an email today asking if everything was ok…unfortunately, I’m not in a position to call her out on the lies…but she knew I wasn’t happy…if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy…

  • As I’ve been reading your posts over the past several weeks, I can’t help but notice how you’ve been going through Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression … and I hope acceptance comes soon for you. You don’t go through them in succession as Kubler-Ross has stated most people do, but it’s a process.

    I know people — most of my family, actually — who don’t allow themselves to express or admit these feelings in their grief process. They see the first for stages as being a weak person. I disagree. It’s all part of the healing process, and in a strange way, it’s healthy in the long run.

    I’m proud of the way you took your anger and expressed it in the way you did. Granted, you already had that fire burning inside, but you took a situation and made it empower you. I think it’s something that will not only help you heal in the short term, but it’s definitely something that will help you grow in the long term. Be proud of channeling that negative emotion into something that made you a stronger woman.

    • I had thought the same thing about the stages of grief…I even wondered if my willingness to express my anger today was part of that…

      Sometimes I feel myself progressing and sometimes I feel myself regressing…

      • It sounds like that feeling of anger, whether it applied to what you’re going through personally or at work, is part of the process. Sometimes it’s funny how those feelings spill into other areas of your life.

        I’ve been through breakups like yours, including one that was very tragic and very different from yours. You’ll definitely have those days when you feel like you’re slipping behind or not healing as quickly as you’d like, but from what you’ve been writing, you’re getting there. 🙂

        • Thank you…that makes me feel better…I’m not sure I want to get better…because it may mean I’ve moved on…and I don’t want to move on…as unhealthy as that probably sounds…

          • The thing that got me through my worst, horrific breakup was my kids. I knew I had to be there mentally, physically and emotionally. Thank goodness my ex took them the first three days after it happened. They didn’t need to see me the way I was. My ex agreed.

            I know I had my tendency to curl up, withdraw, and take “comfort” in my misery. It was as comforting as much as it hurt. However, I knew there were times I had to get out … out of that hurtful head space … and be around others. Thank goodness I had some close, trusted friends I could count on … most of them men. The great thing about male friends is that they’ll tell you what you need to hear and not just what you want to hear. Sometimes is was just getting out for coffee or to a bar to listen to music. I had one great guy friend who’d take me out for motorcycle rides. Regardless of who your friends are, they’ll help get you to remember that you are a wonderful and valued person, which is exactly the kind of head space you need to get into so you can heal and evolve. It may take months, maybe a year or more, but it will happen … for the better. 🙂

      • Ah! You had that wonderful and necessary thing to help you recover – “great guy friend who’d take me out for motorcycle rides”. That should be part of the 5-step process, even if it makes it a 6-step process:-)

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