I am not the type of person to show anger. I don’t like confrontation and growing up, I learned showing anger leads to that every time.
Today, I got angry. The powers-that-be blatantly lied to several of us on staff. There was nothing we could do but sit there and realize that they were lying and we were powerless against them.
When one co-worker was accused of speaking on behalf of the rest of us without our consent, I finally found my voice. It didn’t matter but I know they don’t expect it from me, and they were surprised. They realized this wasn’t one disgruntled employee, they finally got that we were all unhappy. It didn’t matter.
I shook and trembled. Tears came to my eyes. My body language screamed, “Fuck with me. I dare you to.” But I was powerless.
I’m easy to please. Don’t lie to me. That’s it. I don’t have to like what you say, but I can accept an honest answer.
I walked away from the meeting seething, trembling, and in physical pain from holding the emotions at bay. But I did the one thing I never do. I found my voice and I spoke up. I made my position known, consequences be damned.
The aftermath caused physical pain that eight hours later I still feel. It can’t be good to have the same headache for 36 hours.
My point is that I allowed myself to feel anger. And I found my voice. I walked away feeling powerless, but in some ways, I gained power today. Because I finally got angry.