I wore no panties today.
It felt delicious to be that free and unencumbered. Yes, of course, I wore pants – shorts to be more accurate. But beneath them, I wore nothing else. The feel of fabric rubbing against my skin, against my most sensitive parts intoxicated me. I imagined someone, anyone, looking at me and guessing my secret. The idea of that thrilled me. I almost wished I was brave enough to wear a skirt.
He always laughs when I tell Him that I’m not wearing any panties – calls me His slut. Today, though, because of life, I purposefully didn’t tell Him. He had something very important to do, and while He absolutely made time for me, I refused to be a distraction. (I can hear Him now, telling me that I’m in no way a distraction.)
Ironically, even though I never told Him, I felt closer to Him.
Before Him, I would have imagined spending a day sans panties, but I never would have done it. It would have seemed too extreme, too much, too sexual. The truth is that I am extremely sexual, and there is no shame in that. It would have been different if I walked outside my house naked – that might raise eyebrows.
Today was my own delicious secret, inspired by Him and what He’s done for me in a few short months. Tomorrow will be three months since our first conversation, two months since we first laid eyes on each other. Such a brief amount of time, and yet I can’t imagine a time before Him anymore.
Well, that’s not completely accurate. I can picture life before Him, and I just shake my head – at myself. I put up with bullshit from men who never deserved my attention, let alone my time, all because I thought that was all I was worth. How quickly I’ve learned otherwise.
In the middle of His very important day (one that I am glad He had), He called me. I never expected it, and I figured He wouldn’t. Pleasantly surprised to hear His voice, it made me think of the stark contrasts between Him and those who came before Him. There is no comparison.
I used to say that I never trusted anyone – with good reason. Before Him, they talked good game and never delivered. Him, oh Him, I trust completely. I trust that He will tell me the truth – good or bad. I trust that He will sugarcoat nothing – because that serves no purpose. I trust that He thinks about me even when we can’t be together – because He randomly calls, texts, whatever, when any sane person would understand if He didn’t. I trust that He cares because He remembers the mundane details of my life – no other man has ever remembered or cared about the mundane details of my life…ever.
He worries that I put Him on a pedestal and that He can’t live up to what I’ve built in my mind. I don’t imagine Him with superpowers. And there have been times when I haven’t agreed with Him. Sometimes I say, “Yes, Sir” simply because it’s easier than starting a fruitless argument that He’ll win anyway because He’s Sir.
There are times when I know my advice would be “right” but I know He won’t listen. Hell, He tells me He won’t listen. I get frustrated sometimes. I want to shake Him sometimes (not that I’d ever be that stupid).
But I know what He is…a man, a good man, a Dominant man…and for as long as He’ll have me, my man.