Writing

Choices

I woke up this morning, right about where I ended yesterday.  I came across as Eeyore, really. Even given the luxury of cumming four times in the shower this morning, my mood refused to brighten.   Four times, and the last time, oh, the squirting.  I felt so good...

Where was I?  Oh yes, my mood.

I spent the morning worrying, fretting, and seeking reassurance from my Sir. My poor Sir, the man surviving on less than two hours of sleep, recuperating from a twingy back, and about to move out of His home and away from His children.  Yes, that's who I whined to all morning.  And even through text, I could sense His growing annoyance.

I left my office for lunch to run errands.  The simple act of getting away from everyone cleared my mind.  What I had been doing hit me like a truck.  I chose not to feel the good.  I chose to worry.  I chose to be unhappy.  And in the process, I acted like a selfish child to my Sir who needed comfort more than He needed my whining.

Yes, yes, all Doms are big, strong, strapping men who don't need NO ONE (like my double negative there?).  Ok, so let's put the macho crap to the side.  Dominant men, my Sir especially, are freaking human.  Life sucks for them just like anyone else.  And not being in tune with His needs means I wasn't serving and submitting in any way, shape, or form.

I felt horrible once I realized what  I was doing.  I allowed the negative to take over, and I ignored the positive.  I chose to forget how happy He makes me, how good He makes me feel, and how much I smile with Him.  I forgot to support Him when He needed me most (even though He will say He's fine).

I made bad choices yesterday and this morning.  Now I'm making positive choices.  I choose to believe this is real.  I choose not worry about what will happen next.  I choose to enjoy the here and now.  I choose to relish in the love and care I receive from my Sir.  I choose to pour love and affection over Him instead of grief and anxiety. I choose to laugh instead of cry.

I choose Him.

 

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

7 Comments

  • This is an important realization, and early. I’ve read on many blogs where the submissive becomes completely and totally dependent on their Top for even the most simplistic decisions. Knowing that, yes, even Dominants feel, hurt, ache, cry, etc is good.

    • I can understand the urge to rely on Him for every single, solitary thing…but I’m don’t think it’s the best thing, ultimately…

      I hurt for Him when He hurts…physically or emotionally…I just hate that I let my own emotions get in the way…but today is a new day, and I’ll make different choices. 🙂

  • I hope you got a spanking. Sincerely. I always find it helps. And I agree about sincerity. It’s the only way to be on here. And it’s the perfect opportunity to explore. And as for Doms being real people, of course! It’s a far more subtle practice of D/s to live it all the time. It’s where I’m heading, hopefully! Very, very glad to have found your blog. You’re inspiring me to write another story….

    • We’re in a long distance relationship, unfortunately…so that’s not an option…when I get too far into my head like that, he makes me go somewhere private and pinch my nipples…the pain refocuses me in a way that I never could have imagined…and it turns me on, so that helps…

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