Back in June, John Brownstone and I recorded a Loving BDSM podcast episode focusing on American’s “secret desires” — according to a recent survey. In a perfect world, our sexual desires wouldn’t feel like they have to be a secret. Instead, we would find a partner who wanted to explore with us. But it doesn’t always work out that way.
Thankfully sex on the internet exists, from porn to sex cam sites and beyond.
Here are five of the top “secret” desires from that survey that you can explore online, particularly through cam sites.
Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism aka BDSM — it’s a very broad topic that encompasses a lot of kinky activities. Physically exploring BDSM with a partner (or even solo) might not be practical right now. But that doesn’t mean you can’t indulge your fantasies online. Depending on the site and the model, you may be able to tip (ahem, pay) for specific requests or simply search for whatever kinky thing you can’t stop thinking about and binge-watch the fuck out of it.
Yes, of course, anal is better when you experience it in person (giving or receiving) but life doesn’t always cooperate. Consider watching a performer use a butt plug or penetrating their partner “research.” Not only can you tuck the memories of what you watch into your own personal spank bank; you can take mental notes on what looks fun and what doesn’t to (maybe) try in the future.
Masturbating while you watch porn could technically be considered “virtual” sex as can being part of a wider audience for a live cam show. And that’s a valid way to explore it. But sex toys, porn stars, cam models, and sites are starting to come together (pun intended) for virtual reality sexual encounters. From Kiiroo who makes sex toys that interact with VR-based content to sites that offer VR porn you can “watch” with your VR headset, you can get virtual in multiple ways.
Orgasm control is a bit of a tricky one. If you want to control someone else’s orgasms (at least a little bit), you’ll need to use a site where the performer allows certain paying clients access to their app-controlled sex toys.
However, if the idea of having orgasms forced until you’re a dripping, sloppy mess or being edged until you beg appeals, look for videos and performances that focus on orgasm control. Again, you can get yourself off to what you see and potentially get an idea of what you’d like to try later.
Weirdly, to me, this one should seem obvious: Watching models perform sex acts on camera is the height of voyeurism. But when you remember this is in the top 10 of American’s “secret desires,” it seems that a lot of people don’t realize this is one they can express more easily than they realize.
Yes, it’s creepy as fuck to pervishly watch a random person in a coffee shop or on the street. Don’t do that.
But you’re not an automatic creep if you enjoy watching someone in a sexual manner. You’re just a voyeur who needs to find a safe (and consensual) outlet for it. Until a partner comes along who wants to be watched, go online and find a cam site instead. (Remember to subscribe to or tip your favorite creators — this will help them keep making new content.)
Tips for Exploring Sexual Desires Online
The internet is a wild, wonderful (mostly) place where you can be whoever you want to be, learn whatever you want, and yes, get off in all kinds of kinky, sexy ways. But there are a few things to keep in mind when you start to learn about sex online, especially by watching porn or following cam models.
- Pay creators for their time and effort. ESPECIALLY when you continue to consume their content over and over again.
- Don’t treat the porn you watch like a how-to tutorial. What you see online is being done (usually) by professionals with experience. Don’t treat their activities like some kind of “norm” or expectation of what sex is like.
- Use porn as inspiration for what interests you and also to help you figure out what doesn’t interest you.
- If you watch a video, get inspired, and want to try a new-to-you sex act, start slow and small. Learn more about how to do it from online sex educators and other creators as well as from exploration with a partner.
The internet is one way to figure out what turns you on and maybe even why it turns you. Using available resources, like porn, cam sites, and other online content is a valid way to get yourself off and figure out what you enjoy. And your “secret” desires don’t have to stay so secret once you find a safe place (or person) with whom to share them.
Post sponsored by NudeLive.com.