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How to Find the Right Vibrator for You

head of Original Magic Wand vibrator with purple neck and white body

It’s almost cliche for a cis-woman to love using a vibrator — when in reality, a lot of people love all kinds of sex toys. But I’m one of those women. If given a choice between a dildo, a vibe, a butt plug, and any other toy that could stimulate my vulva or my ass, I’m choosing a vibrator every time. Even my favorite butt plug (back in the day) vibrated. I look for dildos that have a vibrating option — even though they’re never quite strong enough.

I’m not forsaking all other forms of pleasure or types of sex for my vibrator, and I don’t ignore John Brownstone in favor of a “battery-operated-boyfriend” but I looooove a good vibe.

How do I know which one to get? Why am I (usually) so happy with vibrators I review? Over the years, I’ve figured out what I’m most likely to enjoy and gravitate towards those styles.

The best vibrator is the one that feels good and gets you off in the way you enjoy — which means your favorite might be one I hate and vice versa. I can’t tell you which vibrator is the best one ever, but I can tell you how I learned what vibrators work best for me. Feel free to use these steps to figure out which vibrator might be right for you.

Start with Touch

Most often we (people who talk about sex toys on the internet) tell people to masturbate first. And I still think that’s a good idea, but if (for whatever reason) masturbation isn’t an option, think about your partner’s touch and where it feels best on your body.

The point here is to know where you like stimulation and where you don’t like it. In some cases, I fucking love internal stimulation — deep penetration and rough fingerings are great, for certain sensations. But if I’m going to get off — consistently and in a way that offers the most pleasure, I need clitoral stimulation. It’s not optional.

I didn’t internalize that until I finally masturbated for the first time (at age 32). My fingertips glided, stroked, tapped, and strummed my clit into orgasmic bliss as often as possible. The pleasure was liberating, life-changing, and mind-altering.

But thinking back, I had the information I needed all along. A tongue on my clit (when applied correctly) has always turned me into a writhing mess. A partner’s finger on my clit makes me scream with pleasure. Even before I finally relaxed enough to orgasm (again, at age 32), I understood what kinds of touch offered me the most pleasure.

Understand Different Sensations

To say something “vibrates” tells you almost nothing. There are so many different types of vibration. Fast, whiny buzzing. Slow, throbbing rumbles. Faster. Slower. Patterns. Deep. Surface level. And then whatever comes between any of those.

I think this is where people tend to have problems with a vibrator. They don’t always understand that different vibrators have their own sensations. And if you get one that doesn’t hit your buttons in a good way, it’s either a disappointment or absolutely rage-inducing.

The more I’ve learned about possible sensations and what I actually enjoy, the easier it is to know if a vibrator will work for me. It really helps that I’ve found parallels between my orgasmic pleasure and my kinky pleasure. (And no, those aren’t always the same thing.)

In impact play and spankings, I’m a thud girl. If it’s light, stinging, slappy, and smacky, I don’t want it. But if it’s heavy, thudding, and feels like a deep tissue massage, sign me up! You’ll find me poking my ass out for more.

With vibrators, I’m not that much different. I rarely enjoy buzzing, sharper vibrations that feel like a whine against my skin, and I love deep, rumbling, throbbing vibrations. I’m not saying everyone will experience a similar parallel but once I saw the similarities of my preferences, it made toy selection much easier.

Figure Out Your Line Between Pleasure and Pain

I learned this, primarily, through masturbation, but again, it’s about paying attention to sensations and touch, so you can also figure this out during partnered sex, too.

Yes, I’m a clit girl. When my clit meets the right vibrator, we scream together in harmonious pleasure. But it’s not as simple as “apply vibe to clit and get off” — I wish!

If a vibrator narrows at the tip and focuses the sensation directly on my clit, I will easily get overwhelmed. I might get off once but I’ll quickly cross the line from pleasure into pain. My clit becomes too sensitive to continue, and even my masochist side taps out.

But when a vibrator has a larger head that covers more surface area, I get a slow-burn pleasure that builds within the center of my body. Sure, the first orgasm takes a little bit longer, but I can often keep going long after that first one. (It helps that I’m multi-orgasmic.)

With a larger vibrator (like a wand massager) or one with a bulbous tip, I typically start with it sitting just above my clit, against my clitoral hood. The sensations aren’t directly on my most sensitive spot, and I can handle the vibrations for much longer. Even better, when paired with the deep, rumbling vibrations I love, the orgasm tends to build through my entire body so that when I finally explode, it’s a full-body release. Once I catch my breath, I can keep going because my clit doesn’t physically hurt.

But once the pain sets in, I’m done. No more. Don’t touch me except for penetration. And since I don’t get off during penetration (without vibrations on my clit), it’s a good experience but not mind-blowing. And I enjoy mind-blowing whenever I can get it.

Bottomline

Taking all of that information together, here’s what I know about choosing the right vibrator for me:

  • It needs to be able to reach my clit.
  • The vibrations should be deep and rumbling.
  • No tapered points or small tips. Wide or round heads only.

With this information, I quickly discovered I love wand massagers. That style fits my needs best. But I’m not limited to that one type of vibrator. I have found G-spot vibrators that worked perfectly for my clit. I’ve also used small bullet vibrators and rideable toys that gave me what I needed.

What I prefer is what I call surround-sound stimulation. I want to feel the vibrations up, down, and all around, and I don’t want the sensation directly applied to my clit and only my clit.

I look for descriptions like “deep vibrations” or “powerful” or “large” — but that’s just a starting point. When I consider a vibrator, I check surface area — how much of it will actually touch my vulva?

In picking a vibrator, I pay attention to the details and look for similarities between other toys I’ve loved in the past. There’s no guarantee I’ll love it, but I’m more likely to have a good experience.

So what does that mean for you?

Think about what kind of touch gives you the most pleasure — and where. Consider the types of sensations you enjoy — and those you don’t. Figure out what turns your pleasure into something you don’t want anymore (whether it’s painful or just not exciting) and how you can work around that. With that information, it’s a lot easier to find a sex toy you’re more likely to enjoy.

It’s no guarantee, and some experimentation is still required, but you’ll be less likely to pick a dud and more likely to find something that feels worth the money you just spent.

For my fellow vibrator-lovers, what methods have you used to figure out what (typically) works for you? Let me know down in the comments!

Post sponsored by V for Vibes.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

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